


Alone in a Cold War

by GuiGZ1



Category: Call of Duty (Video Games)
Genre: #SavePark, ...And Bell !, 1981 to 1984, 3 Years, Betrayal, Blood, Brainwashing, Deaths because it's COD, F/F, FemBell, Injury, Lesbian Relationships, Loneliness, Loyalty to the Crown, Park/Bell, Park/Keller, Post-Canon, Serious Story, Torture, canon ending, f/f - Freeform, sex scenes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:42:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29470386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuiGZ1/pseuds/GuiGZ1
Summary: Helen A. Park, the best MI6 agent that the West can offer but what will make her suffer during three years ?In 1981, she was assigned in a co-joint operation with the CIA agent Russell Adler to stop a Soviet agent codenamed "Perseus". Adler's team have an big asset : a woman called "Bell", a brainwashed Perseus agent. During her time with "Bell", Park has started to have affection to the woman she brainwashed but even when "Bell" discovered the truth, she decided to forgive Park  & to admit her feelings as well !This was the beginning of something new for the two womens.....until the inevitable happens.....at Solovetsky ! After this moment, Helen A. Park has started her downfall. During three years, she will try to recover & to save herself.Witness the story of the MI6 Agent Helen A. Park during those three years, the importants events that happened during that time & also flashbacks from her past !A rewriting of Cold War campaign
Relationships: Bell/Helen A. Park, Greta Keller & Helen A. Park
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. I was at Solovetsky

**Author's Note:**

> This story is linked to the now-finished story "Cold War : Helen Park/Bell" written by me that has been published on another website of fan fictions : Wattpad !
> 
> I invite you (only if you want) to read this story on Wattpad or if I can one day, to publish this finished story on Archive of Our Own  
> I give you the link if you want : https://www.wattpad.com/story/253039729-cold-war-helen-park-bell
> 
> Some infos about the story : 
> 
> \- My writing style has changed between "Cold War : Helen Park/Bell and this new story.  
> \- This story is written from Park's Point Of View but there can be exceptions at some moments  
> \- There will be chapters and also Flashbacks  
> \- Time skips will happen sometimes as I wanted to talk about important events that happened in Park's life during the three years.

** March 15th 1981, White Sea on an american aircraft carrier  **

_"Solovetsky"_

This is where Perseus was hiding far away from Europe, he was going to put his plans in motion by launching the detonation codes of Operation Greenlight , a fucking CIA project where Americans nuclear bombs were hidden in the most importants European cities....including London, my hometown. When I heard that, I was furious against the CIA but I wasn't able to tell that to the MI6 fearing to destroy the relations between my country and the USA.

But now, our team are going to stop Perseus for good. Adler finished his briefing about the operation and everyone were leaving to prepare. As I was going to go grab my jacket in my quarters, Bell stopped to see me.

_Bell_

_"Park, I...I need to give you something !"_ As she said to me, her voice shaking like she wasn't sure about what to say.

 _"What's this, Bell ?"_ I said as she has, in her left hand, a piece of paper and handed it to me

_"A letter...for you"_

I was ready to take her letter but suddenly, she withdraw.

_"No.....not now"_

_"Why, Bell ?"_ I asked her, why she want to give me something if she changed her opinion in one second.

_"It's something I prefer to give you after...after the operation"_

_"Are you sure you feeling okay ?"_

She took a big breath, I knew this question was stupid from me after what she discovered about her...and about me.

 _"No...no, I'm not feeling okay and I'm not supposed to. All of this because of me !"_ She said to me, she see herself as the one who helped Perseus in his fury.

_"Don't worry, Bell ! I'm...I'm here for you."_

At this moment, I decided to give her a little kiss on her lips, I wasn't sure about my gesture but I love her and that's the only way to say to her : "I'm always with you". The gesture was reciprocal because after I withdraw, she moved to kiss me again. Her hands touching my cheeks, they had something special but I was feeling better each time she put her hands on me.

 _"Ouch"_ I said to her, her hands were pressing against some of my wounds in my face from Cuba.

 _"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you"_ She apologize to me but that wasn't her fault

 _"It's not your fault ! I....I love you, Bell !"_ I didn't know what to say : that was the only thing in my mind at the moment.

 _"Me too, Park ! Me too."_ She says to me with a smile

 _"I'm going to get my jacket in our room, do you want to come with me ?"_ I asked

 _"No, I need to see Adler before. I'll join you at the helicopter."_ She then left the briefing room to go join Adler, probably smoking on a bridge.

Then, I was going to my room to grab my jacket & my guns. Didn't take longer to arrive in it. The room was pretty basic : two beds, a desk, a mirror & a little porthole with a view on the outside. That wasn't the best confort of the world but it's better than nothing. My jacket was on my bed : it was brown with checkered pattern on the inside, I really like it. No hesitation, I put it on me & decided to look on the mirror.

 _"You rock, Park ! Deadly & Dangerous."_ I said to myself while trying to look serious & threatening in the mirror

I looked around the room where Bell was sleeping, thinking about her ! She is always there for me and I'm always there for her. That's why, after the operation, I have organized something nice between us : a very warn night. I don't know how she will like it but I hope to finish the operation quickly.

After putting my jacket, I took my MP5 in my hands

 _"Fast, agile & quick to reload, that's how I like it"_ I said with examinating the gun. I used it since a long time, since I arrived in the MI6. Pretty long story. Then, my eyes fell on the desk : Bell's gun was still there.

_"Shit, she forget her M1911"_

I instantly grabbed it on my hands while I put my MP5 away for the moment. Her 1911 is very nice, brilliant. She used it since she arrived...Well, I'm the one who give this gun to her when she was brainwashed but she still use it. I remember when I talk to Bell one time about the gun....before she know the truth !

_Got it in 'Nam during "Fracture Jaw_

That was her answer, it was a test to see her memories were well implanted.

I then decided to examinate the mag of her M1911 : a Salvo 14-rounds Fast Mag

 _"More bullets, faster reload"_ As I said to the gun. I have seen that Bell was more on the speed instead of waiting. That's what I really like about her : because we are alike. Her M1911 reflect her : splendid but deadly. I put the gun in one of my holsters to give it back to Bell and checked my watch : night was going to fall in the region.

_"Time to go, Park !"_

I take my MP5 back in my hands and leave the room. During my walk to the helicopter on the runway, some soldiers were looking at me oddly. Did they never see a women in a uniform or what ? But I think it's because I'm the ONLY member of the MI6 in the whole aircraft carrier..... & also the fact that they know my relation with Bell : Adler has, during his briefing, told everyone of the true identity of Bell. That's why some look at me weirdly but I decided to not put anymore attention on it :

_I do what I want._

Finally, I joined the helicopter that was supposed to take us to Solovetsky : Bell wasn't here, Adler too. They were maybe still talking. For the moment, they were only Mason & Woods chatting....as they were checking their guns.

 _"Park"_ Woods was the first to notice me

 _"Adler isn't with you ?"_ Mason followed

 _"He's talking with Bell. Should arrive in a few minutes"_ I said as I decided to sit down on a crate near the helicopter

Few instants passed as people on the runway were preparing for the mission and Woods decided to open a new conversation...about Bell.

_Come on, Woods !_

_"Is it true ? About Bell?"_ He asked

 _"Were you present at the briefing or not ? Because Adler told everyone about it !"_ I said with irony

_"Of course, we were !"_

_"So, why are you asking me, Woods ?"_ As I said to him : Why he would insist to know something he already knew ?

 _"I was asking about you, Park. Did you really have a relation with her ? Damn, she's an enemy !"_ He told me I knew that one of them was going to question me about that, I see that in their eyes. If I tell them, they will maybe stop asking personal questions.

 _"Yes, it's true.....and above all, she's not an enemy. She's one of us !"_ I said to Woods.

 _"I told you, Frank !"_ It was Mason who has turned his head to Woods. _"Next time, stay focused on the mission instead of thinking about something else"_ He continued

 _"I already said that to you, Mason. I'm a goddamn 'Onion' "_ Woods replicated

Did he....did he call himself a 'Onion' ? I know that years of experience of war can change people but to the fact that you started to call yourself a 'onion'....it's weird ! Hopefully, Adler & Bell finally arrived near us...saving me from other questions !

 _"All set ! Everyone in the chopper, it's time to go to work"_ Adler said to all of us

We take our gear and we get in the helicopter, it was time to get it done. The helicopter was finally flying to Solovetsky. Woods, Mason and Adler were in front of me while Bell.....Bell was sitting next to me on my right and I remember that I had to give her pistol back.

 _"Bell, I think I got something from you"_ I said to her while I grabbed her pistol on my holster

She looked me with some concerns but she relaxed when I handed over her M1911

_"You forgot your gun in our room"_

_"Thanks, Park ! I appreciated it."_ She told me as she take her gun back and examinate it.

At this moment, she take something else in her hands while she put her gun back in her holster. I know what it was : this was the picture I gave to her....a picture of me. I saw her smile each time she look at it.

_For Bell_

I signed that on the picture at the back of it. Why I give that to her ? To prove that I stand with her, no matter the cost !

 _"You like it ?"_ As I said to her with a smile

 _"Of course, I...I love it ! Means a lot for me.....even I'm not sure if I should have this inside me."_ She responded with little concern.

After the truth was learned, she said she loved me too but I feel she still has trouble to accept her fate and I can understand why.

_I changed her_

_She changed me_

_We're alike_

After that, they were usual talks between the group but Bell was silent, I didn't want to disturb in her thoughts. It took a long time until the helicopter, along with other ones arrive in Solovetsky. Finally. Our helicopter was the first to land on the ground. My legs were going to let go of me but a little walk will heal the pain.

_Cuba_

Still remember that day...I can't stop thinking about it but I need to stop....Bell saving me...trying to save Lazar....Bell was still feeling guilty about it, she tried her best, we all. Today, I still got the marks of this day : scratches, cuts on my upper body, pain in the legs.

_It's going to go someday !_

Adler was the first to get out of the helicopter as he go to meet his KGB contact : Dimitri Belikov....Hudson's spy inside the KGB...the one who helped Bell & Adler go inside the Lubyanka. Me & the team decided to stay behind for the moment as Adler was talking to Belikov, maybe about the mission.

Then, he turned to face Woods & Mason !

 _"Okay, Woods and Mason, you get in that truck."_ He said while pointing a military truck with a finger, the two quickly reacted to get in that truck.

Then, it was our turn.

_"Park, you'll stay here to watch the extraction. Bell, with me!"_

_Hold on a second !_

What's happening right now ? I supposed to go with them as the plan said, he even tell me that I was going with them but now I'm watching the extraction. Why I need to stay here ? I can fight, dammit and I will make sure he know that !

 _"Hey, that's not what was agreed in the plan, I think so..."_ I told him, Bell was also making a face, she didn't understand Adler's decision.

 _"Park, you still have the wounds from Cuba and you're not back in shape yet. I'm sorry but that's how it is!"_ He said to me with a cold tone before walking as nothing happened _"Bell, follow me!"_

Bell didn't know what to do, she was following him but me, I was ordered to stay here. I didn't know what to do. So I decided to turn my back to them and to walk near a cliff, I closed my eyes thinking......just thinking about everything & nothing...I'm a fighter but we're not letting me fight. Suddenly, I heard Bell's voice behind me

 _"Park !"_ I turned around, she was here, head down, her facial expressions show she was sad

 _"Know that I might not come back here alive .... for you! I .... wanted to see you again just in case."_ She told me with a sad tone

 _"Don't think about it, please!"_ I said I know that her life was destroyed because what we have done to her but I want her to have a new start with us, I don't want her to think about dying. Never again !

I decided to get closer to her, she was doing the same. Forehead to forehead, both of us with our eyes closed, her hands touching slowly my cheeks

 _"I don't want to forget you. I can't imagine myself without you!"_ she said with the same voice as before

 _"You will make me cry, stop!"_ As I said with a cracked voice. Tears were starting to go out of my eyes and then, she decided to kiss me, I reinforced it more.

_"I love you, Bell !"_

She cleaned up some of my tears on my face with her hands

_"Me too, Helen Park!"_

Then, she withdraw from me to return to the truck where Adler was waiting for her, I could only smile after what she told me. I know it already but each time she tell me that, I could only see that I really love her. Her truck finally left for the Solovetsky's monastery : Perseus's lair.......without me. I should have run inside one of the trucks but it was too late.

The only thing I was able to done now is to sit. I decided to sit down near the cliff. The view was perfect, sounds of birds been hearded, the feeling of artic air : A peaceful place ! Minutes passed and at one moment, I heard the helicopter's pilot speaking loudly

_"Woah...look at this"_

When I turned my back to see what happened, I could see a big white light in the sky far away in the horizon, approximately above the monastery.

 _"EMP Bomb....very powerful"_ As the pilot said to me

Just a few seconds later, we felt the blast of the EMP, it was minimal, trees were swinging slowly and the wind was a little more faster but every electronic device wasn't working for now in the extraction point : we were in the dark now for the moment.

 _"Hope the helicopters got nothing"_ I said to the pilot with a nervous voice.

 _"It's gonna be okay...just need to see..."_ He tell me as he was checking his helicopter's dashboard if something were off

_"Everything's good ! No need to worry, miss Park !"_

I was a little relieved : the helicopter is our only way out of here, it would have been stupid if the EMP bomb destroy everything.

 _"Problem now is that, we can't have news from the attack groups since they are affected by the EMP"_ He said to me.

 _"So, we can't know if they succeeded until they come back, right ?"_ I asked him, I was stressed out to not having news from Bell

 _"Yeap, we need to wait here"_ He confirmed

Well...now, we are stuck here with no radio contact from Adler & Bell. I decided to return sitting down on the cliff, gun in hands in case we got trouble. I tried to checked my watch but it didn't worked...Damn the EMP bomb....Now, I can't know the time...More I stay here, more I start to hate this place. The air can feels good but since I've arrived, everything is going against me. I started to think again.

_Bell_

She was the only one I can think right now...since the first time I talk to her, there are something inside of her that make me fall in love with her but I still don't know what. Even if she know what I have done to her, what Adler has done to her, she helped us found Perseus's hideout. I still feel ashamed even I was the only person to be nice to her during her interrogation.

 _"I'm sorry"_ I said to myself

My excuses....it wasn't enough, we robbed her life but I maybe changed her in a good way. I don't know if she will have told the truth if I wasn't here. But now, I hope to make her move on....

**\---------------------------------**

Time passed, don't know how much but it should have been some hours as the sun were starting to rise slowly....and I started to heard some noises : It was a military truck. CIA soldiers. I was checking who was getting out of the truck but they were no sign of Bell or Adler. I need to ask.

 _"So, what happened ?"_ I said to one of the chiefs who was getting out of the truck

 _"It's done ! We stopped Perseus, Europe is safe.......for now !"_ he said

Inside of me, I was happy to hear that ! 2 months of work and we stopped Perseus from destroying Europe....and London. The MI6 would be grateful but there were still something.

 _"Where's Adler ?"_ I asked

 _"Don't know ! Sorry, miss. Got to get my boys out of here"_ As he help one of his men who got a wounded leg and start to get away.

Now, I started to have big concerns : where are they ? Trucks were coming but each time I asked, it was a "I don't know, miss" or "Can't tell you" as responses to me. After a long time, there was a truck : Mason & Woods got out of it.

 _"Park !"_ Mason was the first to talk to me

 _"Where's Bell ? And Adler ? I've been asking to everyone here and no one knows"_ My voice was trembling

 _"He's okay, Park ! He should arrive soon"_ Woods replied

 _"And Bell ? Where is she ?"_ That was more important for me, now

They didn't respond to me and got away in a another helicopter than ours. What's the deal with them ? It's a simple DAMN question.

 _"WHERE IS SHE ?"_ I asked in anger but my words fall in deef ears as they were already gone.

Now, there's only me, our pilot. The last helicopter. Everyone has leaved Solovetsky except the two of us. I'm not leaving until I know where are the two of them.....until a military truck arrived. Maybe the last one.

_Adler_

He was finally here and he was holding his arm, wounded by a bullet but Bell wasn't with him. What's going on ? Why he's alone ? I needed to ask.

 _"Where's Bell, Adler ?"_ I was losing my patience here

He didn't say a fucking word but I urged him on by putting my hands on his shoulder

 _"WHERE IS SHE ?"_ I was angry, again

 _"I'm sorry, Park ! She....."_ He started to tell me, seems he can't found his words.

 _"She sacrificed herself to destroy the last anti-aircraft gun, she didn't come back in time, she got caught in the bombing."_ He said to me

_No.....it's impossible !_

I can't bring myself to that but Adler told me : she's dead ! At this moment, I was in shock and tears were starting to fall from my eyes again, I removed my hands from Adler's shoulders and withdrawed away from him. I returned back next to the cliff. Now, I was hating this place to the death : it's here that I lost her. As I was trying to console myself, I heard Adler's voice near me.

_"Before she sacrificed herself, she gave me this."_

He was holding a letter...her letter.....the one she wanted to give to me..after all of that, there were a little blood on the paper

_"She had wanted to give it to you before she left for the monastery but she had forgotten."_

I take the letter in hands but I wasn't able to read it for now, what Adler told me, I don't know if I can accept the fact that the one I loved is dead. I put it in one of my jacket's pockets and then the pilot reached to us.

_"Sir ! Miss ! We have to go, I have just been informed of the arrival of the Soviet authorities on the island."_

I didn't say anything, Adler too as we get in the helicopter who get in the air seconds after we got in. I was closing my eyes, thinking about Bell. Adler tried to talk to me but I didn't wanted to respond to him or to anyone else.

_Why ?_

Why did she sacrificed herself ? That's it, we broke her...I broke her....enough to make her do the impossible. I loved her, she loved me but that wasn't enough for her. I don't know if I will ever get well : I got her death in my conscience. I should have jumped in one of the trucks....I'm feeling so stupid to have listen to Adler....very stupid.

_Bell, I loved you and still do_

Silence was invading the helicopter after that until we arrived at the aircraft carrier. Only thing I wanted was to go directly in my room and that we leave me in peace. Seconds after the helicopter land, I opened the door of it. People were cheering, Woods & Mason were awaiting us. I was the first to get out as Adler followed.

 _"What's happened ?"_ Woods asked to us

 _"She's just..."_ Adler said to him

I'm interrupting him, I don't want to know

 _"I don't want to know anymore, Adler. Leave me alone !"_ As I said to him

"Park !" He replied

 _"LEAVE ME ALONE!"_ I said it a second, angry voice. So much anger that people around us stopped cheering but I didn't give a fuck about them.

I decided to go, I don't want to stay any longer on this runway, people were maybe looking at me but did I care ? No. I was still in tears and still thinking about Bell. When I arrived in my room, I locked the door and I lay down on my bed. Crying was the only thing to do for me. Each time I was looking Bell's bed, I was seeing her looking at me fondly. Each time...I could only cry at the sight of her. After approximatively 30 minutes, I have the strengh to check her letter that I still had in my pocket. My hands were shaking at the simple idea to see this letter but finally, I have started to read it, tears in eyes.

\-----------------------------

** Letter from Bell to me:  **

_Helen Park_

_Writing this letter is very hard for me, I had to put all my strength to do it!_

_I learned the sad truth from your lips: I was an agent of Perseus, one of his henchmen. I assisted him in his quest for destruction until Trabzon. I can't imagine myself as a monster or relate to my past. That's giving me disgust!_

_When I first stood up as "Bell" in mid-February, I was convinced I was fighting for a good cause and still do now. Even after I learned the truth about my identity. Know that I want to forget the past and think about the future. I don't want to see my old name again._

_Today I am "Bell" and I will remain "Bell". It's my name now! You will think that this letter is only there to make me lament my mistakes. If I'm writing this letter, it's only for you, just for you!_

_You have been by my side since I arrived and we stick together. The East Berlin mission made me discover that I have feelings for you. Ukraine has only strengthened them. We confessed it to each other when we got back. I will never be able to forget this moment! All the moments we have spent together are unforgettable. In the toughest moments, we have remained united. You saved me, I saved you. Please know that I am writing this letter before we leave for Solovetsky. I have doubts if I will survive this mission, facing my demons. If I do, you'll still get this letter!_

_I hope that after the mission in Solovetsky, we will stay together thinking about the future that we can lead together. That's why I'm writing this letter. To confirm to you that my love is eternal for you. You have become the most important person in my "Bell" life and I wish to think about the future with that! I will never tell you enough: you are a wonderful person, fighter and helpful. You are the woman of my life. I love you, Helen Park and forever!_

_Bell_

\----------------------------

When I finished to read the letter, I could only bring a smile while still having tears in my eyes but now, she was not here with me. Both of us...couldn't imagine a future without each other. I had to accept it : she left a big mark on me.

I know I know why I loved her : because of one big thing that were rare these days.

_She was human, the most human person in the whole group, the closest to me and a great fighter !_


	2. And I lost someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three days since Solovetsky
> 
> Park is trying to struggle about the events that happened but it's hard for her to forget !
> 
> It's never going to go !

_"Enemy RPG, incoming"_

I heard this voice, I knew it was Lazar screaming to me & Bell. When I looked up, a soldier holding a RPG was aiming our position. The three of us tried our best to get the hell out of it but it was too late !

_Too late._

We were caught by the blast & sent flying a few meters away. I closed my eyes at this moment : I thought it was the end for us, our final moment....my final moment with Bell....I was still hearing sounds : I knew I was still alive. I tried to move but each time, pain was invading my body. I was unable to move my legs...like I was paralysed in these bones. 

_"Aaaah....fuck..."_ As I heard, it was Bell in pain

My hands were shaking uncontrollably & I opened my eyes : Bell was coughing blood from her mouth, she was holding her arms on the ground, lying down, trying to regain consciousness. As I moved my head to see Lazar, he was also in pain but suddenly, I don't know what happened but, it was like a blackout. I reopened my eyes in a second but there were something strange : Lazar wasn't here anymore, Bell was still trying to get up but we were no longer on this rooftop in Cuba.

_Where am I ?_

We were in a sort of great black void. What's happening ? Don't feel like Cuba anymore. I thought I was now able to move but I still got the pain....Shit, it's strange...... I looked at Bell, she was finally looking at me, her face got some serious cuts....and parts of her outfits were pretty damaged.

 _"Where are we ?"_ I asked to her, she maybe know what's happening to us.

 _"In our last moment...Park"_ She told me this like that.

 _"What ?"_ Why did she say that ?

Suddenly, I started to heard a voice in my head....It was our air support in Cuba .... _"Skyhook"_....talking in my head. I'm starting to going crazy, that's for sure.

 _"Ground crew, we're here in 10.......9"_ He said inside my head.

 _"Time to go, Park"_ Bell was approching me with some difficuties and told me that...like she was able to hear what the pilot said in my head. She was still hooked to the balloon that was supposed to extract us.

 _"It's going to be ok, Park ! You are going home !"_ She said to me

 _"Bell ! Why are you saying that ?_ " I asked her

I looked down to see her jacket : she was unhooking herself from the ballon and started to hook me at her place. 

_Don't do this, Bell !_

_"What are you doing, Bell ?"_ I was afraid, my voice was cracking 

_"Just doing my job, Park ! Like I was ordered to do !"_ She said while she finished to put her harness around my side & hooked me on the balloon. 

_"Bell, please ! Tie up with me, quick !"_ Tears were starting to flow from my eyes

 _"Sorry, Park ! I can't. I'm just an asset !"_ She talked to me while putting a hand on my left shoulder....like a goodbye to me. I don't want that !

 _"No,no...you're more than that....you're....you're the one I love !"_ I said to her 

I put one of my hands in one of her cheeks while I tried with the other one to tie up her with me but she stopped me before I can do that. She didn't want to be saved...I wanted it to ! I restarted to heard "Skyhook" in my head

_3..._

_2..._

_1..._

_"Goodbye, Park !"_

That was the last thing I heard from Bell as I was flying away from her in this big void

 _"BEEEEEELL"_ I could only scream in tears. It was like I was abandoning her....

_I wanted to be with her._

_She changed me_

**\--------------------------**

** March 18th 1981, "Die Landebahn", West Berlin **

_"BEEELL !"_

In a second, I woke up in my bed sweating, breathing heavily, trying to calm myself down but nothing can help me now. One of my hands was shaking furiously, I put the other one around it to stop the shaking. I don't know what's happening to my body right now but it's getting worse ! Probably my feelings, my emotions starting to get away, destroying me...

 _"A nightmare....again !"_ As I said to myself while trying to stop my shaking hand

3 days...3 days I wasn't even able to have a proper sleep without having a nightmare. They're starting to be too much frequent since Solovetsky...since I lose Bell.

_Bell_

She make me stronger and her death is destroying everything she was able to do with me. I need to stay strong but I couldn't stop thinking about her. My thoughts were only focused on her since we left the USSR...

 _"I'm sorry, Bell ! I'm sorry !"_ As I put my hands on my face trying to console myself

I feel guilty...guilty to left her on that damn island...guilty to have listened to Adler...guilty to everything that go against her....

I pull my head out of my hands and decided to look around me : Hopefully, I was the only one in the dorm at the moment...I prefer it that way ! Didn't know the time, so I take my watch who was posed on my nightstand and checked...

 _"2.10 PM...Fuck !"_ I said like it was normal.

_Look like I sleep longer since 3 days_

We were already at the middle of the day...Did I really sleep for 14 hours ? Yeap....Better to get up quickly and join the others. So, I decided to sit on my bed for a moment and to check myself : bandages were covering parts of my arms, dressings on some fingers...and still this damn pain of these....

_It's going to go someday !_

_"I should take a shower"_ I told to myself.

I was still sweating from this nightmare and it's better to change my clothes as I was just only wearing a green shirt, a underwear and a bra. I got up and checked in the closet near my bed for new clothes : I'm gonna take my blue vest, new shirt and jeans. It was simple ! I put them on my bed when my gaze fell again on the nightstand : there were my glasses I used sometimes.

Well...I remember the time when I looked Bell with these....I looked at her with a seducing look and I remember she was blushing at the sight of me doing this. Did act like the seducing British Spy but that was really real !

_You're cute_

That's what I tell her before our mission in East-Berlin and I was right : she was damn cute ! I was holding the glasses on my hands, I did my first smile in three days just thinking about it...

 _"Shit...never get used to this now !"_ I talked to the glasses, my smile fading away, replaced by the usual sad face

Then, I put them back on the nightstand while I took a breath. I take my clothes and I decided to walk to the shower. Fortunately, it was just a few meters away from my bed. I finally arrived in the bathroom....simple but necessary for our hygiene. I locked the door behind me and started removing the bandages on my arms...I needed to change them today anyway.

Afterwards, I checked my face on the mirror : it was slowly recovering but there were still cuts on it. 

_"You don't rock, Park....not anymore !"_ As I was still looking myself in the mirror while removing also some dressing on my face. 

I know that maybe can found me weird to still think about Bell but she was impactful to those she was close....including Lazar ! I only knew her since 2 months but there were 2 longs months...and during that time, she exceeded herself in every domain...enough to make a impact like I said to me.....and her death was an shock.

I need to realize that she's not longer with us and I'm not able to forget her. 

_Still can't believe it !_

I started to remove my clothes slowly and then I put them away as I started to walk inside the shower, it was feeling great to start to take a shower without these bandages. Water were starting to drop on my skin, it was damn good ! Half cold & Half hot, that's the best feeling. I didn't want to burn or to freeze right now.

 _"Damn pleasure"_ I said to myself while getting my hands across my hair, water continuing to drop.

Then, I started to put one of my hands near my neck and started stroking delicately my scar....This scar....Got it since my old superior betrayed me and try to cut me open...Hopefully, I survived to live another day miraculously but I wasn't proud of it and I needed to hide it behind a scarf or a long shirt...but one day, I opened myself to Bell and showed it to her...the day we first kissed.

I was uncomfortable to show it, Bell was another story....because I love her and she loved me but....she wasn't the first to see it... it was Greta....Greta Keller !

_Pride of the BND_

She was my first love in the service since I joined the MI6....She was the first one to see my scar....these two womens changed my life but Bell was the one....

At the moment I started thinking about Bell, I closed my eyes & stop stroking my scar by putting my hands against the wall. 

_"You were not an asset, Bell ! You....you were human....the women I loved"_ As I said to myself, my voice was cracking. _"I still do"_

Didn't know if I got tears going out of my eyes but each time I think about her : it's always getting emotional, I was obliged. I try to calm myself and I reopened my eyes, heads down.

_"Blood.....damnit !"_

I just saw a little bit of blood in the water at my feets. I wasn't scared of that and I decided to check : one of my wounds on my left arm was bleeding again....fucking wound ! I let it bleed as it was minimal and the water was cleaning it.

After a few minutes, it was time for me to get out of the shower. I stopped the water and I stepped out of it. Then, I took in my hands the shower towel and cleaned myself starting by my legs until I arrived at my head. I checked the towel : there were blood.

 _"Still bleeding....there should be some bandages here"_ As I was looking at the towel

I put the towel back to his place and I checked around : there were a closet. I opened it : fresh new bandages...nice ! But first, it was best for me to put on my clothes. So, I started to put on my jeans & shoes.

 _"Here we go...new bandages"_ As I take them in my hands and started to wrap it around my wounds.

Did take a few minutes to recover my wounds with new bandages & dressings. I then finished by putting on my blue vest. I was ready to go join the others....well, nearly ready ! I take back my old clothes and I left the room to return to my bed. When I arrive, I put the clothes back on the closet for the moment. I checked myself to see if I didn't forget anything.

_Gun ?....Ok_

_Badge ? .....Good_

_My watch ?......Nope_

It was still on the nightstand, so I need to grab it. I took my watch with my right hand and wanted to put around the other arm but suddenly....my left hand started to shook again...same thing when I woke up.....What's happening to me ?

I don't know what's causing this but I need to stop this....Only thing to do right now was to put my right hand on it and to try to stop it....

 _"Come on...it should be good....for now"_ The shaking was starting to be reduced as long I was holding my hand and after a few instants, it completely stopped.

I was finally able to put my watch on my arm but my gaze fell again on the nightstand : my glasses.....I started to think if I should wear them but....no....I'm not going to wear them....they recalled me about this situation with Bell...

_You're going to stay here_

That's the thought I had on my head at the moment about them. I wasn't in the mood anymore....seducing...Will I ever having this again ?....I don't know. I have a promise to keep : I loved Bell....and still do, even if I know !

I was ready...at last ! I started to walk to the door to leave the dorm and ready to join the others...Hope they will not talk about me waking up late. 

I finally leave the dorm to make my way to the principal room. As I was approaching it, I started to hear voices from it, males one.

 _" - will never know that !"_ I think it was Adler speaking to someone but I didn't hear exactly everything he said.

I don't know but my head were starting to be dizzy as I continue to walk but it was very minimal for the moment...I think I need to eat something ! Been since yesterday morning that I didn't eat. First thing to do when I arrive in that room : go to the fridge !

Just some steps to pass by and I am in the principal room....I turn around and I see everyone regrouped near the bulletin board : Adler, Sims, Mason, Woods....and Hudson....that fucking prick.....the guy that got an american nuke beneath London....They all had a drink in their hands

 _"Park ! Good to see you !"_ Adler was the first to see me coming in, I didn't know if I needed to respond with a smile....

 _"Hi...everyone"_ I said while waving to the boys but not Hudson

 _"Finally ! You fell on your bed or what ? You're late !"_ That was Woods, irony in his voice as he was taking a slip of his drink

_Damn it, Woods ! Why it's always you doing this?_

I put my heads up to see the ceilling : it was an raining day ! It's been raining since we returned back in West-Berlin...not the best weather but lovely to watch.

 _"You should take a drink, agent Park ! We saved Europe and it's time to celebrate !"_ As I heard.

I looked down & saw who told me that : it was Hudson ! How dare this motherfucker tell me to celebrate after what we've been through ? ...... After what I've been through ? I need to calm down....even he's the one who cause a lot of problem here...

_No need....if he don't push my limits_

_"Celebrate what, exactly ? The fact that we avoided a CIA project to blow every important European cities ? No thanks, not in the mood !"_ I replicated to him while I crossed my arms

I saw on his face, that he tried to keep a straight face.....Still acting like the typical patriotic CIA agent....I heard someday that he didn't wanted me on the team until Adler intervene for me...I can say that Adler has some good sides....sometimes !

 _"Come on, Park....we saved Europe from destruction ! That's the most important, right now !"_ Sims told me before he drink his coffee

He was right but there were still something

 _"Maybe but....we lost important people here....Lazar.....and Bell !"_ I said to them, emotion invading my voice when I pronounced her name.

 _"Park, I know it's hard for you....for Bell...but it's time to move on !"_ Adler said to me as he posed his drink on his desk

 _"Move on ? Can't do that, Adler ! She was important to me....close to me."_ I told him

Soon as I finished, I make my way to the fridge just at my right and put my hands on his door but as soon I have opened the fridge that I heard Hudson's voice talking.

 _"Her ? She was just an asset, nothing else !"_ He said like it was normal

_She's not an asset, never was !_

At this moment, I knew that calming myself down wasn't going to help me. I need to confront him....once and for all ! So, I put my hands off the fridge and my heads down. I closed my eyes and then....I was ready !

 _"No....she never was an 'asset' like you said, she was more than that"_ I started to speak

 _"So, agent Park...if she wasn't a asset, who is she for you ? She was an enemy and you know it"_ Hudson replicated

 _"I realized that she was human.....human than anyone else in that damn room...including me ! We robbed her life and we all claimed we're the goods guys."_ My voice showed that I wasn't joking, I was serious

 _"Hey, you need to calm down a bit, she was just a woman !"_ I turned my head, it was Mason

 _"Mason.....she was just like you !"_ I told him

I know what Mason has been through, I read his file : brainwashed by the Soviets in the 60's.....wasn't the best moments of his life but that's what the only way to make him remember that him & Bell were alike in one point

_He was brainwashed by the Soviets._

_She was brainwashed by us._

I saw in this face the meaning of my words on him. He was uncomfortable

 _"Shit, Park ! No need to talk about this to him !"_ Woods at the rescue as he told me

 _"Sorry about that but I need to let things away !"_ I got a little bit of regret at the same time about talking about Mason's past

 _"Agent Park, it's better you change your attitude, right now !"_ Hudson told to me with authority

I started to see him with deadly eyes....like if I want to gun him down

_"Listen to me, dipshit....it's because of you that we worked our asses everyday to avoid Perseus to use YOUR fucking project to destroy Europe and you want me to celebrate over the death of someone I loved ? No fucking way !"_

_"What are you gonna do ? Uh ? Cry for her ?"_ As he provoked me

At this moment, the others one were starting to get up, not wanting a fight in here and I understand their moves but he's clearly trying to provoke me.

 _"Go fuck yourself, you stupid prick !"_ I responded to him as Adler and Sims approached me to avoid a fight

 _"Enough is enough ! You two, stop ! You're both right but now, stop fighting !"_ Adler said to both of us

_Him....right ? No way !_

_"_ _Adler, you know that this piece of shit lied to us....me and Bell risked our lives in Ukraine to get our hands on these documents....he's talking about her like she was nothing....she did everything, here ! It's because of her that we are still here."_ I told to Adler

 _"No !"_ A simple word coming from Hudson's mouth

 _"Shut up, Hudson !.....She's right, we wouldn't be here without Bell ! Greenlight shouldn't have existed."_ It was Adler

 _"Adler, what the fuck are you talking about ? You know that Greenlight is the best way to counter the Reds"_ As Hudson told him

_He never gonna change_

I saw Mason & Woods when he said that : they weren't happy about it ! Mason told me that Woods punched Hudson after our mission in Ukraine when he learned what Bell & me discovered. They directly change side by going by mine. 

_"Well....I don't know how the MI6 will react to the fact that the CIA has put an nuke under London but let's give it a try, I'm giving them a call !"_ I told him as I decided to walk to my office.

I don't know what was Hudson's look at me but I was sure he was in trouble about what I was going to do. I had in my hand on the phone, ready to pick up, starting to compose the number to call my superiors

_Two numbers remaining....._

_One numbers remaining....._

One left ! As I was about to put the last number of the phone, I heard a voice.....his voice !

_"Fine, fine....you win !"_

I turned my back to see Hudson, heads down, hands on his waist. He was looking like someone who was defeated. I just won !

 _"About what ?"_ I asked, naive

 _"We....I'm going to put an end to Greenlight ! If this is what you want."_ He told all of us

 _"Because after all we have done, the president didn't ordered the end of it ?"_ Woods asked him with some concerns

 _"No...instead, he asked us to reinforce the project...to make sure no one will ever try to detonate the nukes"_ He said, defeat been heard in his voice

 _"That's just stupid...fucking stupid"_ Woods added to his complain

Finally, the other ones knew the situation was calming and they were returning at their places.....but I needed to add something else: a warning to him ! So, I approached him for the last time. The others were ready to stand up in case.

_"Ok....Open your ears wide, Hudson, because I will tell you this only once : I'm not ASKING you to do it.....I'm TELLING you to !"_

That was my warning ! I put everything in it...to make sure he understand what I'm capable of....Adler stand up to get between the both of us.

 _"Hudson, I may have stopped Woods one time....but I'm sure as hell....I'm not able to hold Park back ! Be sure to not make that happen and do what she told you !"_ He told him with authority

Hudson was Adler's superior but seeing the latter getting the upper hand can be satisfaying. Inside me, it was like a great victory to saw this situation !

 _"Ok....finish your drinks, everyone, because we've got work to do....Perseus is still at large !"_ He ordered to us.

Finally, I was now able to breath freely....Shit, I remember I need to eat something....First thing was to return to the fridge but as soon I approached it, my left hand was shaking...again !

 _"Not right now ! Not right now !"_ I said to myself, with a low voice

I put my other hand on it to stop the shaking.....but it didn't stop like I didn't have the strengh to do it. I tried but it was getting worse....My head was starting to feel dizzy, I checked myself on a mirror who was above the fridge...My face...all white ! At this moment, shaking was invading my arms....couldn't stop it....

I didn't eat in time because of this prick.....I wasn't able to open the fridge's door, my arms didn't have strengh anymore. I started to heard a voice calling me

 _"Park....are you feeling alright ?"_ It was Adler

 _"Yeah....I.....I'm...."_ I told him but it was a lie

I turned my back to see him but....when I was fully turned, I just saw her....I just saw Bell....standing and looking at me, worried....She was in her uniform who was badly damaged....like in my nightmare

_Bell_

_"Bell ?"_ I said 

I tried to smile at her but suddenly....

_**BAM......** _

My vision....was all blurry but I heard my body falling to the ground violently. I was just able to hear sounds....voices talking, I could know who was talking...but I wasn't able to speak....I could feel my body shaking....my whole body.

 _"PARK.....shit ! She's convulsing ! I need help over here !"_ Adler told to the others

 _"Doc...what's happening ?"_ It was Sims's voice

 _"She's not well.....Fuck....help me, we're going to put her....."_ He responded 

Then, no more sounds, no more voices.....it was all black...Couldn't hear, couldn't see....

_It's going to go someday_

_It's going to go...._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this new chapter ! Suggestions & comment are welcome ! 
> 
> Next chapter will be a whole flashback about Park & Bell !


	3. Heal her wounds.....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback :
> 
> As Park passed out in front of the others, she remember a special moment !
> 
> She remember the aftermath of her mission in East-Berlin with Bell !

_It was all black..._

My vision was all black.....I was feeling that my body was getting moved by Adler and Sims but I couldn't react....Like I wasn't longer part of my own body. The last sign I saw before I fall in the floor ....was Bell....looking at me....just in front of Adler.

_Worried, her outfit in bad shape._

Her look on her face meant it all for me : I was important for her...as she was important for me ! I could only think of her....What I have done for her...and to her...

_"It's because of us...we killed her !"_ As I said inside my head.

Brainwashing her was traumatic for me. I helped the CIA stole her life and when I revealed that to her.....I think it was the beginning of the end for her. Maybe she was trying to say herself that she doesn't have any more reasons to live....and maybe she was right !

Now, I don't know what to do.....I feel so weak to fight....Maybe it's my time to get away !....No, I should stop thinking about that...

_"Think about something else...think about something else"_ I told myself

I was in the dark, searching something....or someone to think. Each time, it was always Bell coming first in my thoughts. She's never going to get out of my head....and I prefer it that way ! After a few moments, I started to get pictures in my head....my memories, one in particular.

I could feel my lips getting a little smile just to think about it.

_East-Berlin....._

\---------------------------------------

** February 25th 1981, Volkov's warehouse in East-Berlin **

_Bell, on behalf of the MI6 and me...thank you_

That's what I told her....When I free her from her chair, I tell her to quicky get Volkov before Adler...He didn't want to get him alive and Bell decide to side with me in my choice and she succeeded before him. She was standing just next to him as he was screaming on the ground, knife in one of his knee. 

_"Well, Volkov ! I would have preferred to see you dead but....as you see....I was beaten by her in speed. Good job, Bell !"_ It was Adler 

She only nodded to him as she take back the MP5 I gave her as Lazar advanced by me to get Volkov up

_"We got what we wanted....Kraus's briefcase and Volkov...Lovely day against Perseus"_ He told to us

_"You fucking rats, you will never-"_ Volkov spoke to us before Lazar neutralize him with the butt of his gun at the back of the neck

_"Shut up, will you ?"_ He get, of one of his pocket, a blindfold that he put on Volkov's head and started to tie him up 

At this moment, I knew that I was proud of what Bell has done but it's because of me she was put in this particular situation, she was caught by Kraus in his place and I should had go save her but no...I was only able to assist as she was taken away into this warehouse.

_I was panicked, that's the thing !_

Be proud of her of be ashamed to not be able to save her ? I didn't know what to think but proud was more important. Adler finally spoke, stopping me while I was thinking.

_"Come on, the van is waiting for us....It's time for us to leave East-Berlin !"_ He told to me and Bell 

He was the first to walk out accompanied by Lazar who was dragging Volkov on his left shoulder and I was about to join them but....my attention fell back on Bell who wasn't moving, she was holding one of her arm with the other one.

_"Bell, are you okay ? It seems there's something wrong."_ I asked to her

_"That damn bastard.....he slashed my arm, he pull out a knife but I succeeded to counter him....Aw shit !"_ She responded

She was in pain : her face has multiple cut on it and it's look like she has, barely, enough strengh to hold the MP5 she was holding with her wounded arm. First thing for me, was to take the MP5 from her hand to ensure she's not suffering any longer.

_"Thanks, Park. Appreaciated it"_ She said while I take the gun away 

_"It's gonna be okay, Bell ! Once we returned to the safehouse, I'll heal you, don't worry !"_ I told to her with a smile

We were going to walk out but I needed to talk to Bell personnaly before we left this warehouse. So as I was taking my MP5 in my right hand, I put the other one on her right arm. 

_"Listen....It's maybe weird to heard that but....what you did today means a lot for me....you took risks and I was panicked when Kraus got you...."_ I said to her.

I was very worried and my gesture can be seen as weird for her but she took it well...like it was normal....maybe it's me making things complicated, that's for sure !

_Be cool, Park !_

_"You know...I'll remember that, Park ! It's the first time for me that....that someone panicked for me....Let's say that we are making a good team !"_ She responded to my remark, big smile

_"Thank you !"_ I said 

_Good team...._

Yeah, I can say that but I'm the one who wasn't able to save her in time but she's right....Me and her are making a pretty good team....and I was delighted to make her feeling me good. She was going to walk and....I feel like I need to do something with her....

As soon she started to walk, I approached her....and decided to kiss her on her right cheek... I stayed a few seconds before I decided to withdrawing. I could only smile about what I have done. She turned her face to see me, she was surprised.

_"Woow....that's part of the thanks ?"_ She asked

_"Of course...Bell ! We're sticking together !"_ I told her with a big smile

_I was blushing_

_She was blushing_

Her expression....damn, her blushing was making her more cute than ever...and seeing her like that make me very happy. Inside of me, I was concerned about her real identity....Adler says that acting like that with her is a dangerous game !

_And I'm willing to play it !_

But I wasn't acting, neither playing....It was me showing how I really feel about her ! We were looking each other in the eyes, blushing but then we heard a voice coming in our direction....surely Adler.

_"Park, Bell, hurry up! I don't intend to stay in East Berlin indefinitely!"_ Yeap, it was him !

_Back to reality, ladies !_

We were a little scared by this surprising voice as we regain consciousness of the actual situation. We finally started to walk away to join the others. It's just take a few instants for us to walk to the van where they were waiting for us.

_"Where are we going ?"_ Lazar asked

_"The MI6 would like to see Volkov quickly....so, we're heading out of East-Berlin and then to the airport !"_ I responded to him

_"Let's go, everyone in the van !"_ Sims talked to us as he was the driver.

Me & Bell were the last one to get in the van & we closed the door behind us. Then, the van directly started to drive out of this place. Adler was in the passanger seat, Volkov was on the ground of the van, knocked out by Lazar who was next to me. I was sitting in front of Bell who was still holding her wound & next to her......it was Greta Keller !

_What a coïncidence, Park !_

In front of me, I had the women I loved and the women I'm loving. I didn't know she was on this mission, neither be Hudson's contact in the BND. I was really surprised when I saw tied up on this chair when we come at the rescue to the warehouse. It's been 1 month I didn't saw her and now, it's weird to see her again. Our last moment we spent together was the day I learned that Adler recruited me.....

_"Been thinking, Helen ?"_ I recognized Greta's voice

She stopped me in my thoughts, we were so close that she's the only one here to call me Helen....and I'm the only one to call her Greta....

_"Yes....it's good to see your face again, Greta.....been a long time we didn't see each other !" I said to her_

_"Wait....did you knew each other before ?"_ It was Lazar

I was going to speak but Greta cut me short before I even pronounced a word.

_"Me and Helen were assigned to some common missions in the past ..... Since, we are really good_ _'partnerin'_ _"_ She told him

_Partnerin....Friends_

I know that this word were meaning something else....something very....personal....It's the word she likes to use to say _"sex-friends"._ Hopefully, Lazar didn't succeed to understand the real meaning of it....and that's better ! However, it's the thing I didn't talked about to Greta....the fact that I want to move on...but I'm scared of her reaction and I'm afraid to do it....Need to find the right time to explain that to her.

Bell, at the moment, didn't say a word. Look like she was thinking....and each time she looked at me...she was blushing, I really did an impact....that kind of gesture means a lot to someone

_"How did you found yourself in that mission, Greta ?"_ I asked 

_"Since I was located near Kraus's apartment, the CIA contacted me to provide you any informations about him.....and before the evening, I was ordered to meet one of yours"_ She said while she turned her head next to her, to see Bell

_"Yes....It was her who come in the bar....."_ She finished

Bell was now listening and she decided to talk to Greta as she was mentionned

_"And....ouch.....how did Kraus captured you ?"_ She asked as her wound infliged her pain

_"After I told you to go, I.....I tried to follow Kraus who leaved the bar....At one moment, he decided to walk into a small alley behind his apartement...It was a mistake from me to walk in too....and suddenly.....he appeared behind me and I was neutralized... 'Anfängerfehler_ ' **!** _"_ She told to us, her voice was a little troubled.

_"Hey, don't worry, Greta...it's not your fault and surely not a mistake...everyone is unpredictable !"_ I said to her with a little smile, trying to comfort her

_" 'Vielen Dank' , Helen"_ She responded

She know that I like it when she talked to me in German. 

_Never gonna change, Greta !_

Then, I decided to approach Bell to see her wound on her arm, to make sure to know how serious she was wounded.

_"Bell, let me see your wound...need to check !"_ I asked

She instantly complied and removed her hand : the cut was the width of the arm...didn't seem too deep but it's better to heal it.

_"As long as you hold it...it's gonna be okay....Like I said, I'm taking care of this at the safehouse"_ I told her as she was replacing her hand on her wound

"Thanks...Park !" she replied

She was still blushing to me....and Greta saw it on her face. Inside of me, I feel like I was in trouble just to think about this situation. I prefer to say nothing, not wanting to worsen the situation. At this moment, silence invaded the van...not even Sims or Adler were talking !

**\------------------------**

Time passed and after maybe a good fifthteen minutes of driving, the van finally stopped, we were at the airport.....at last

_"And we arrived at destination.....look like your friends of the MI6 are here, Park !"_ It was Sims's voice 

_"We're gonna give them Volkov and then, we return to the hideout"_ Adler replied as he was starting to smoke another cigarette

_"I will go alone...it's better that it stay between MI6 agents"_ I said to them

_"You don't want to come, Park ?"_ Bell asked to me

_"No, Bell....it's better that I go give them Volkov alone....you're still wounded...."_ I told her

_"Fine...you're right...."_ She responded to me

It's was one of the reasons I prefer to go alone : I didn't want her to worsen her state !

I opened the door and Lazar helped me getting out Volkov out of this van. Volkov finally woke up and tried to speak but his mouth was covered

_"MMmhm.....Mmmhm"_

Maybe plead to us.....but we didn't care !

_"Watch out, it's fragile !"_ Lazar said to me, joking

"I will take care of it....or not !" I replied with the same tone as him.

Lazar was a good guy, always serious but sometimes, his sense of humor came to relax people...just like Sims who's more in the humor than in the serious but that didn't mean he was good in combat...He did Vietnam !

After a few moments, Volkov was finally out as I was holding him...he still got his wound on his leg. I closed the doors of the van and started walking to the MI6 agent with Volkov in hand. As soon as I approached the agents, I heard a voice !

_"By god...Park, it's you !"_ It was a male voice

This voice was familiar, I tried to see who talk but in fact, he was just in front of me.

_"Garrett ?"_ I asked

_"In Her Majesty's Secret Service !"_ He replied

_Garrett...._

He's my friend.....friends since I arrived in the MI6, the best guy to be friend with....The very good mix of honor and humor in the same person. Last time I saw was one month ago when I was with him in one of the MI6's surveillance safehouse in West-Berlin....It's him who made me learned about the CIA wanting me....It's good to see him again ! 

_Coincidences at this best !_

_"Damn...I never thought to see you again !"_ I told him

_"Well, me too....is that Volkov ?"_ He said while pointing his hand to Volkov

_"Yes, he's lucky to be alive, right now !" I replied_

I directly throw him in the ground as others agents walked by him to get him up and Garrett approached him.

_"We heard of you, Volkov....and about what you like....you'll see, you're gonna love England !"_ He told him with a funny voice

_"Mmmhm...mmmhmm"_ Volkov was trying to speak

"Yeah, yeah...I agree. Ok, get him on the plane...need to discuss !" 

The others agents instantly pick Volkov up and transport him inside the plane. Now, I was alone with Garrett.

_"So, how you've been, Garrett ?"_ I first asked

_"Well, I'm now back as a field agent, no more surveillance....and as far I can see, you too !"_ He replied

_"I can say that too, Volkov was a pain in the ass to capture him"_ I told him

_"You made a good job to get him, I'll make sure the director know that !"_ He said 

_"No....it's not exactly me who captured her....it's....it's Bell, I was her support !"_ I prefer to say the truth 

_"Wait...are you talking about...about the brainwashed women ?"_ He asked me with concerns

_"How did you know that ?"_ I was concerned about that.

_"Let's just say....that the director told me about this...women....and what has been done to her....I know what you did, Park !"_

_"Ok....I was not for that....I'm not proud of it....I see her suffer : get beaten, tortured by the CIA. It was traumatic for me. What I'm feeling for her, it's true...." I said to him but I wasn't able to finish_

_Come on, Park !_

_"Hold on, are you saying to me....that you fell in love with a brainwashed women ? And Greta ?"_ His voice shocked and I understand that.

_"Look, it's complicated....better for us to stop talking about this...For Greta, I will tell her...at the right time !"_ I replied to him

_"Ok...ok....right, I think it's time to get on our separate ways : I'll go deliver our russian guy to the director. You, you do what you have to do !" He told_

Just as he finished, he make the british military salute with his hand & he was smiling, it's how he like to say goodbye.

_"God save our.....gracious Queen, Park !"_ He said 

I was obliged to do the same

_"God save our Queen, Garrett ! Good luck !" I told him_

Then, we walkd each other on our own ways : Garrett going to London with Volkov, me returning to the safehouse. I walked back to the van when the others were waiting for me. The van backdoors opened as I approached it, Bell was the one to open it despite her injuries.

_"So, the MI6 is happy now, Park ?"_ Adler was the first to speak as I get in

_"Of course....they didn't wanted to have him killed...because of the CIA...if you know what I means...." I replied to him, joking in my voice, serious in my head_

Adler didn't wanted to get Volkov alive but if he don't want to get Perseus, it's his problem, not mine ! I hope he's not going to jeopardize the operation because of his obsession with him. I heard he pursued Perseus since 13 years in Vietnam...precisely "Fracture Jaw". Look like he was playing his life in it.

Now, the van restarted ! Direction : our safehouse. 

_"So, how did it go, Park ?"_ It was Bell

_"Good, very good ! I told them exactly what happened...about what you done today, they send their thanks to you !"_ I said, smile on my face

_"Thanks, Park....it's feel good !"_ She responded, still in pain from her injuries

_We should have go to the safehouse first !_

_"Good you make it back in time....Bell was ready to make a blood donation to us !"_

I turned my head : it was Lazar saying that

_"Very funny, Lazar....very funny !"_ I told him with irony

After that, the silence came back in the van, driving back to the safehouse. Nobody was talking...maybe because of me or because of Lazar's joke. As nobody talked, I started to think again.

Inside my head, I was saying to myself that I needed to talk to Greta after I healed Bell. I'm still scared of her reaction....I wasn't really able to tell the truth when we were separated in January...It was at her hideout that Garrett called me to get me the news...the last time we had sex....

_Shit, how I'm going to tell her ?_

**\------------------------**

** February 26th at midnight, "Die Landebahn, West-Berlin **

It didn't take a long time until we came back to "Die Landebahn"....It's was finally the time to get out of this damn van. I opened the doors and helped Bell to get outside, it's better for her ! After that, the group entered th building and we regrouped near the bulletin board.

_"So...what are we doing now ?"_ Sims asked to Adler

_"First...we will have some rest as we all need it and tomorrow, we will search any infos about what we found in Kraus's briefcase....Ok, everyone's dismissed. Get some rest !" He told to us_

Then, Lazar and Sims were the first to head to the dorm as Adler go to his desk accompanied by Greta. Me, I was still with Bell.

_"Bell, go with me in the medical room...I'll heal you"_ I asked her

She immediately agreed and started walked with me in that room. Directly as we entered in it that I closed the door...just to be alone with her ! She sat in one of the chair that was on the room.

_"Good....just need to find everything useful for your wounds"_ I told her as I was looking the closet for the material to heal her

_Disinfectant for wounds ?.....Check_

_Cotton ?.....Check_

_Dressings ?.......Check_

_Bandages ?.....No_

_"Why the bandages are not here ?"_ I said inside my head

Everything is not in it's place in that safehouse...no bandages in the medical room, it's weird....Shit, I remember...they're in the shower room at the dorm....Don't know why but there were placed over there. It's better to go take them before I can start to take care of Bell.

First, I take in my hands everything that I needed and put them on a table, Bell was looking at me with a smile... Couldn't know what she was thinking but I guess it was a good thing.

_"I just need to take something...and I'll start !"_ I told her

_"Don't worry, Park ! Not going to fly away from you !" She said, smiling_

_"Better be...."_ I replied as I started to walk out of the room

I closed the door for the moment and found myself in the main room, Adler was still speaking with Great at his desk. I prefer to let them talk as I started to walk to the dorm to get the bandages I need. As I enter the dorm, Lazar and Sims were talking and they saw me enter.

"You ok, Park ?" Lazar asked as he was the first to saw me.

_"Gonna grab the bandages in the shower room, just that...Why they are over there instead of the medical room ?" I told them_

_"Because......uh.....We don't know !" Sims replied_

_Thanks for the answer !_

I leaved them be to talk as I entered the room and directly closed the door of it, I opened a closet where the bandages might be. As soon as I open on the closet's drawer that the door of the room opened....It was Greta !

_"Uh...can we talk, 'meine Liebe Helen' ?"_ She told me

I needed to get back to Bell quickly but since Greta was here....maybe it was the time I can talk to her...Better be quick, Greta !

_"Yes...of course, what do you want to talk about ?"_ I asked her as I was still searching the closet for the bandages

_"About us...Helen...about us !"_ She replied with a naughty voice

I was still looking and...yes, found them in the second drawer but as soon as I take them in my hands, I started to feel something around my wraist.....Greta's hands around my wraist....I didn't remember she was feeling good...didn't get touched by her since one month but...I didn't know how to feel right now as now, I was loving another person.

_"Greta...what...what are you doing ?"_ I tried to say to her

_"It's been....a month I didn't touched this 'perfekte Körper' " She told me as she was holding me with her hands._

_"No...We shouldn't...."_ I tried to told her but she stopped me by putting a finger in front of my mouth

_"Shh....we're gonna do...our thing, Helen !"_

One of her hands started moving alongside my back to get in the back of my neck and the other one....was positioned on my ass....That's for sure, she wanted to have sex right now !

_Not right now !_

She started to move forward and started to kiss me on my neck. Pleasure invaded my body as I started to moan discretly but I needed to get back to serious.

_"Greta...please, I need to......Uhmmmm...please !"_ My voice mixed with pleasure & plead to maker her stop

_"Helen...let yourself go....we're fucking...right now !"_ She told me fierly 

Look like I was losing control as I wasn't able to move, like I was giving myself to her but I needed to take control again. I need to talk to her. 

_"Greta...please...listen to me"_ I was finally able to move and I put my hands on her shoulders

_"What's happening with you, Helen ?"_ She asked

_"I wanted to talk about that with you...I think..."_ I couldn't find my words, it was hard to tell her.

_"I think it's better for...us to....to move on....I'm starting to....love someone else....I'm sorry, Greta !"_ I could told her with difficulty

_"' Was' ?"_ She was shocked to her that

"I'm truly sorry, Greta ! You're....you are a incredible women but....but....I'm very sorry !" My voice was cracking

I could see some tears invading her eyes, I didn't wanted that but that was sure my response was going to provoke that

_Damn it, Park !_

_"So...you're loving someone else...the wounded girl, isn't it ? I saw her blushing each time she saw you ."_ She asked, her voice filled with sadness

_"I'm sorry, Greta...I started to like her few days after I left you during our last time...I needed to tell you that....I'm sorry" I said to her_

I couldn't stop saying that I was sorry for her, what I have done...I'm not proud but it was necessary....I loved Greta but now...I've changed....Don't know if I changed in a good or bad way, never gonna know.

_"I understand"_ She responded

I was shocked that she was okay with this....as she was the one who wanted to have sex....When the two of us first kissed, I was for her...the entire world....We broke up one day..... but we were still seeing each other for making some _"one night stand"...._ Maybe weird but it was the only way to make us forgive about our activities.

_"You...you understand ?" I told her, surprised_

_"Ja....it's good....I know that one day...we needed to stop....I forgive you..."_ She said

_"I'm sorry, Greta !"_ I told her as I take her in my arms

_"I know...I know"_ She replied

Few instants passed and finally, I withdrawed from her, she was smiling but tears were still her eyes

_"So, what's happening to you, now ?"_ I asked her

_"BND is going to pick me up soon....need to return to East-Berlin as I'm still on surveillance...it's gonna be hard again, now...."_ She said

I didn't know what to say, I was still shocked of what I told her and I was going to let her alone for a second time...I was feeling bad...very bad

_"I'm going out.....you got 'ein dame' to heal"_ She told me with smiling a little bit before she started to walk away.

I stopped her before she left the room

_"Greta...remember that...I'm not forgetting what happened between us...be sure of that !"_ I said

_" 'Vielen dank'.....'vielen dank', Helen !"_ She replied as she finally get out of the room

I was all alone in that room. I closed my eyes just to think about what happened...she was still loving me...and I stopped her.....Fuck, is my time in the CIA during Bell's interrogation changed me ? Greta & Bell.....They weren't different but my heart was now for Bell.

_Bell_

_"Shit...I was going to forgot...Bell !"_ I told to myself

I quickly regain consciousness of the situation : I needed the bandages ! Hopefully, they were just posed on the closet as I put them here before Greta acted. I directly take them in my hands and finally get out of the room. As I was going out of the dorm, I crossed paths with Adler who was coming in the dorm.

_"Speaking with Keller, Park ?"_ He asked

_"Just for a little chat, nothing for you to know, Adler !"_ I replied

_"Do what you had to and then...get some rest !"_

He started to pass by me and left me alone to go. I go out of the dorm and return back to the medical room. In my way, I decided before returning to the medical room, to check the fridge for alcohol...for Bell to relieve her pain. I put the bandages on the top of the fridge and opened it's door

_"Beer ?....not this ! Ah....maybe some wine can do the trick !"_ I told to myself

Wine in the middle of a CIA safehouse.....not gonna ask questions ! I just take the bottle in my hand & closed the fridge's door and take the bandages in the other hand. Time for me to heal Bell !

I returned quickly to the room. I opened the door and I saw Bell who was still sit on the chair, she has removed her jacket.

_"See...I just stayed for you !"_ She jokes

_"Sorry to not getting back in time...just needed to talk to someone"_ I told her

_"No worry....I can hold on as long you want ! Wine....for celebrating ?"_ She replied as she saw the bottle in my hand

_"I took it for the pain...Prefer to heal you without having scream & wake up anybody...but if you want to celebrate after that..." I responded _

I put the bottle next to her and then, I returned to the table to take cottons & the desinfectant for wound in my hands. I took a chair and placed it next to her. 

_Time to work !_

_"Take a drink before I start !"_ I ordered her as I started to get some desinfectant on a cotton

She complied and took the bottle and started drinking a little bit. I finally started by putting the cotton on her arm's wound. I could see on her face that she was fighting against the pain.

_"Tell me in case I'm hurting you !" I told her_

_"It's okay....you're rocking, Park"_ She said to me with a smile

_Thank you !_

_"So....about that kiss you gave me....it was really part of the thanks ?"_ She asked me

Still thinking about that ! Damn...I'm liking her so I told the truth.

_"Yes....I've done this because...you were amazing on that mission...to say you were incredible"_ My voice was trembling just to tell her that.

_"I was about to say the same about you....I'm sure that maybe the one you love is proud of you ! Maybe a mister Park ?"_ She told me

Don't know if she is really proud of me but that's make me feel good. I think she thought that I had an boyfriend so I decided to tell what I really think.

_"I never had an boyfriend....and will never have one ! Guys...are not really my type !"_ I said

_"So, you're lesbian, right ?"_ She asked to me while I finished healing her arm wound and started applying bandages on it

She was direct...and right ! I never was interessed in boys...

_"Yeap...I'm proud of it.....since I'm a teen! And....and you ?"_ I replied

_Risky question...very risky_

_"Me ? I could say I'm also a lesbian....and I remember why !"_

_"Oh....maybe you could tell me....between girls, you know !"_ I told her as I started to put some desinfectant on her face's injuries

She took a big breath, like she wasn't sure about what to say 

_"I was raped when I was a teenager !"_ She said, concerned

_"What ?"_ I was so worried that I stopped what I was doing

I was shocked to hear that because of 2 reasons : First, it's because it's not a memory the CIA has implanted into her....That's means that's a memory of her past, a real one ! And the second reason, it's because I never thought of that...

_"You...you could tell me what happened ?"_ I asked 

It was risky because since it's something from her real past, she could start to doubt about her identity but maybe the implanted memories can make her change what happened that day. Before starting, she took another drink from the bottle

_"I...remember that one day...I was in the toilets for women of my school....there were 2....or 3 guys...I tried to defend myself but they overpowered me....Found myself on the ground...couldn't do anything...Can't remember exactly everything !"_ She told me, her voice cracking just at the idea to said that

_"Since that day...I feel a deep disgust for guys and their manners...and started to change my sexual orientation...girls were always kind with me....so are you !"_ She continued and brought a little smile when she talk about me

_"I.....I'm sorry to hear that, Bell" I replied_

_I'm sorry_

_"You couldn't know, Park....I don't want you to feel bad."_

_' I think....I think a little drink can calm me down"_ I said

I took the bottle in my hand and started drinking it....Wasn't for me but it's better to drink to forget. I'm healing her and at the same time, I'm drinking. 

Few instants passed and I finally finished to heal her face but I still got what she said inside my head....telling me that make me feel more protective for her....She went throught hell...again and again...

_You're precious to my eyes, now !_

_"Finished...uh...can i check your top ? In case there are no other wounds..."_ I asked 

_"Of course !"_ She said, no hesitation

She removed her top and I checked around....I shouldn't have ordered that....On her back were the marks of her torture by the CIA...torture I had to watch helpless...I couldn't see that anymore....that's wanted to make me puke but I don't know what happened inside of me....I started to delicately put two of my fingers along one of her marks.

_"These...these marks...how long do you have them ?"_ I said, voice cracking

_"Since...since Vietnam....long story ! Some of them...it's all black when I tried to remember"_ She told

I then decided to stroke it a little, she didn't reacted to it....like it was normal.

_"Park....it's...your hands feels good, you know that ?"_ She asked

Suddenly, I withdrawed, I didn't mean to do that

_"Shit, sorry...I...I...."_ I tried to told her, panicked

_"It's ok....not weird....be cool, Park....it was nice !"_ She replied, normal voice and one of her hands on my shoulder

_"Thanks..."_ I only said that

I started to regain consciousness....I really tried to let myself go with her....but not now. I got up and started tidying up everything I used in the closet

_"Well, it's good ! No more wounds to heal !"_ I continued while I'm tidying up

_"So, now ?"_ She asked

_"Time to get rest...we all deserved it !"_ As I finished _"Take your time and go to bed ! We will have work to do tomorrow."_

As soon I finished, I started walking out of the medical room to try to go to the dorm but...I need to sit now....there were a sofa near my desk and I decided to sit on it...What Bell's told me remade me called about she's endured during a month. I put my hands on my head and closed my eyes.

_"Shit....Bell, you're special..."_ I told to myself inside my head

I was cut in my thought in a second, I put my heads up and she was here, looking at me, worried.

_"Bell ?"_

_"Something's wrong, Park ?"_ She told as she decided to sit next to me

_"I was thinking...about what you told me....it's hard to hear that but the fact you lived that disgusting situation... it's hard for me!"_ I said

_"Hey...it's okay, Park ! You shouldn't panick about me.."_ She replied as she put on of her hand on my leg.

_"Thanks....but I don't know if I'm going to sleep well after that !"_ As I was worried

Suddenly, she started to lie down on the sofa

_" You know what ? I'm going to sleep here and you too...Maybe you'll not be worried anymore"_

_"Well....It's a good idea but we got beds, you know ?"_

_" I was used to sleep on uncommon place...sofa is part of it"_

I was a little troubled to accept her proposition but since I like her, it was better for me to accept. I even tried something.

_"If you want, you can put your head on my legs...It won't bother me !"_

_"You sure ?"_ She asked to me

_"It will be no problem....I also used to sleep in uncommon places. Don't worry....we're sticking together !"_

She instantly moved out to get her head on my legs, it was a little bit strange for me but after a few instants, it was feeling good. She was the first that started to sleep as me.... I was looking at her....proudly.

I put my right hand in one of her arm and I was well positioned to sleep.

_"Good night, Bell !"_

I then closed my eyes !

_Time for me to sleep_

_Time for me....._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this very long chapter !
> 
> Feel free to like and comment !
> 
> Happy reading & stay safe, mes amis !


	4. Did I need to fight ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After remembering the aftermath of East-Berlin's events, Park finally woke up in "Die Landebahn", one day after she passed out !

** March 19th, 1981 in the morning, "Die Landebahn", West-Berlin **

_It was time for me....._

Then, everything goes to black again, the end of my memory. A lot of things happened that night, both good & bad....mostly bad : Hearing Bell's story of her youth....saying the truth to Greta. I can only blame myself for that...for everything ! 

But I need to stop....stop about blaming everything on me, it's been 3 days I've been destroying myself because of me taking responsabilities on all the mistakes the other can do and I need to stop....but I can't forgive the fact that I left Bell to die....

_I will never forget_

All I need to do right now is to open my eyes....

**\------------------------------**

My head.....it was feeling heavy like if I had a big headache, I finally opened my eyes but my vision was still blurry but it was disappearing to slowly return back to normal. I was hearing some kind of radio....look like Pop's music that was....not so loud but my head make it sound like we were in a concert.

I was lying down on a bed....my bed in the dorm and besides it....Adler was sitting on a chair looking at this feet. First thing was to redress myself on the bed....the sound of me doing this make him alert that I'm awake

 _"Shit.....Park you almost gave me a heart attack !"_ He said as he was surprised in his voice.

 _"I'm sorry, Adler....."_ I excused myself

 _"No need to be sorry, I already know the song !"_ He told me while redressing himself on his seat and putting his hands in one of his pocket

 _"What happened ?"_ I asked

 _"What happened ?"_ He taking back my words 

_"The thing is that you passed out in front of everyone in the middle of the main room, convulsing on the ground ! That's what happened, Park !"_ He continued, sounding like a furious man trying to not let himself go

I clenched my jaw, stressed and scared of him. He finally got his hands off his pocket...he was just taking another cigarette to smoke.

_Phew....._

_"Why...why are you sounding angry ? Because of me ?"_ I need to know

 _"Oh...sorry for that ! Just received a call of Langley fifhteen minutes ago.....they're not happy about the fact that one of their agents was asked to stop a very important project !"_ He responded

_"Hudson ? Because of me, right ?"_

_"Yeap !"_ A single word from his mouth giving me a full answer.

_"So, you got nothing against me ?" I replied_

_"Nope....nothing...I'm sorry about that !"_ He told as he was lighting his cigarette.

 _"Shit...their project almost destroyed Europe and they still want to keep it alive ? When are they going to understand the danger of this fucking stupid project ?"_ I asked, voice starting to sound angry

_"Listen....they're going to try their best....."_

_"Their best ?....So we're going to wait a VERY long time....Bell succeeded to stop Greenlight at the price of her life....."_ I said, sadness was now invading my voice.

_They're never going to understand_

I didn't wanted that for her....but she has done it ! Sacrificing herself to allow millions to live but the CIA still want to keep the project alive ? It's like destroying everything we have done....everything Bell has done with us !

 _"Still thinking about Bell ?"_ He asked

 _"I already told you...I can't forget her, never going to....."_ I replied while I changed position to sit on the side of the bed

_"I know how much she was precious to you even if we all know who she really was !"_

He was right, she was too precious for my eyes ! Just rethinking about that memory I remember, it brought me some tears in my eyes. Maybe if I can talk about it to Adler, I can try to calm myself.

 _"You know....I remember the events after our mission in East-Berlin...with Bell !"_ I told him

I see on his face the beginning of a smile as he put his cigarette away to blow the smoke of it out of his mouth.

 _"Well, I remember the morning after that...when I woke you up in that sofa...She was literally in your arms, Park ! Your two arms....around her, you were holding her like you were a couple."_ He make a silent laugh just to talk about it.

This made me let a little laugh out of my mouth....

_It's been rare these days !_

But rethinking about the.....bads things in that memory quicky replaced the laugh with sadness on my face.

 _"And....I told you after that of...what she said to me...." I_ told him

 _"Yeah....You were looking stressed when you told me about what she endured....Fuck.."_ He said with holding his head with his hands, sounding saddened

 _"It was this moment I realized....she was just a innocent women !"_ He continued

It was the first time I see him acting like that....and it's not normal. I know him too much that I know exactly when he was lying.

 _"No, you never cared about her, Adler !"_ I knew he was lying

 _"How's that, Park ?"_ He asked, worried

 _"I witnessed you... & Hudson....beating her during her interrogation...during ONE.....LONG.....MONTH ! Don't tell me after what you did to her....that you actually cared !" _Inside of me, I knew that Adler was just been himself : some don't call him the _"American Monster"_ for nothing !

_"I can tell the same...."_

_"No...no..me, I really cared....I was the only one in that fucking group to get close to her.....I was always nice to her....instead of you ! We're not alike, you & me !" _I cut him straight _,_ I have enough of his lies but he will never change. 

I could see in his face, the signs of a man who was trying to contain himself to not get angry & to unleash his rage on me

 _"Shit....Because of that, I'm no longer the same women I was 2 months ago."_ I continued but tears started to flow from my eyes stopping me.

_"Listen, Park...."_

_"Adler, shut up, please !"_ I asked him politely, interrupting him

I tried to contain myself but....I can't stop it. I put my head in my arms and I started to cry...I had to do it.

_I had to...._

_"I'm sorry, Bell !"_ I said while crying

I stay in that position for a few instants....or a few minutes. I was in the state of not be able to see the time passing, it could be minutes or hours, it was not going to make a difference for me as I was in my thoughts....just wanted to be left alone here in peace...just thinking.

 _'"Just...alone !"_ I whispered to myself

Then, I decided to pull my head off my arms....Adler was still there, in his seat. His look as I was able to see through his aviator glasses was mixed between disgust & compassion, he was bitting his lips as he was looking down.

 _"Park....I called the MI6 !"_ He said to me

_"What ?"_

_"I told them that you're going back to London for your report....it's better that you take some days off work !"_

_"Why ? You know that I....."_ I asked, opposing to his decision

 _"No, Park ! You need to take some days off ! We're going to work during that time on Perseus on our own....it's gonna be okay !"_ He interrupted me

Maybe that some days off is going to help me to destress & calm myself from the recents events but I can never forget what happened....it's impossible.

Now, I decided to put my shoes on as Adler got up from his chair.

 _"When they are coming to get me ?"_ I asked him

_"I'm going to drop you at the airport, that's better !"_

Well, I'd prefer that the MI6 come get me than Adler dropping me off to them but what can I say ? At least in both cases, I'm going back to the MI6 !

 _"And when I will be leaving ?"_ I asked as I finished putting my shoes

 _"_ _Go see me at my desk w_ _hen you are ready ! I'l leave you to prepare, Park !"_ He told as he's getting out of the dorm

Now, I was all alone in the dorm, sitting on my bed, pop music still playing in a radio not far from me. All I wanted to do was to lying down again and just be left alone but as Adler told me, I'm leaving for London....and that's better !

First thing to do is to prepare my things : I decided to check under my bed for a bag....and got it. It was big enough to have some clothes & some of my belongings, just the necessary. I put the bag on my bed and started taking clothes from the closet.

_Just the necessary...._

After some instants, I closed the bag as I finished and I put it around my waist for the moment as I was ready to leave the dorm....until my gaze fell back on the nightstand : my glasses. I take them in my hands and look at it.

 _"Should I wear them ?"_ I asked to myself

They still make me think about that situation with Bell but I like them. Finally, I decided to wear them on my eyes. I could see clearly, my vision looking fixed when I wore them. I checked my surroundings to see if I didn't forgot anything : gun, badge, watch. 

_That's good, got them all._

Time for me to get out of the dorm but I prefer before leaving to switch off the radio as nobody was in the dorm for the moment. As soon as I turn it off, silence was taking over the room, just the sounds from me can be heard. I don't know why but it was feeling...special ! Feeling...all alone. I close my eyes just to think for a moment !

That was describing my situation : all alone with no one to give you support in the world of spies, a world where everything is a illusion, lies given to you and backstabs from those you can call friends......A world I agreed to walk in years ago and I can't go back, not a single step back is possible. Leaving this world will be very hard and I'm not sure I will be able to do it one day !

If I ever succeeded one day, it will be with someone I love but....I'm alone !

_All alone...._

_All alone...._

Then, I shook my head to regain consciousness as I was drowned in my thoughts and reopened my eyes, my left hand still on the radio. I finally get away from the radio & finally walk out from the dorm, bag around my waist. I arrived in the main room but there were no one in here, Adler said I needed to join him at his desk when I'm ready but he's not here. Kinda weird but at least, I have some time to take some of my belongings on my desk.

I approached my desk and I put my bag on it, I needed to take things that was important especially my personal file & every report that I wrote after each of my mission here...each of them having Bell mentioned. At this moment, my gaze fell on her desk that was just beside mine and I walked to it.

On her desk, there were her personal file...and her belongings. In fact, all of these things were created by me....Her life, her exploits, her things....All by me during the brainwashing process. It was a desk full of lies from me....but I hoped that all of these were real one day.

_I hoped !_

I took in my hands her personal file : I named her Jess Blackwell.....and the surname "Bell" came from Adler when I made him learned about the name. I made her born in London from a British dad and a Russian mom in 1950, joined the MI6 in 1967 as the youngest recruit and one year later...she participated in "Fracture Jaw" with Adler and Sims in Vietnam....

 _"If only these were true, she was going to be the best MI6 agent we ever had !"_ I said while I looked the file

I only knew few things on her true identity : in reality, Bell was named Yirina....was born in 1952 and that she lost important people before she was captured but that's only the things we really got on her during her interrogation...All of these informations gotten by me, she never spoke to anybody but me during that time, maybe because I was the only one to not beat her.

More I look to the file, more I want to take it with me....and that's what I want to do right now, I walked to my bag where I put the file in it. 

_Better to take it !_

Suddenly, my belly started growling. I didn't eat yesterday because of what happened and I didn't think about it when I walked into the main room. 

_"Should eat something quick !"_ I whispered while my gaze fell on the fridge just a few meters from me. Since Adler was not here, I could have time to eat something !

I go to the fridge and finally open his door : there weren't so much things in it. First thing I saw in it was a simple sandwich on a plate... I just remember that I made this sandwich 2 days ago but I didn't eat it because I wasn't hungry....and also because of my state. As soon as I spot it, I take the plate in my hands and I close the fridge's door with my leg.

I put the plate on my desk and I prepare to sit on my chair but something on Bell's desk brought my attention....something that was just beneath her file and I prefer to check what was this thing. I approached a second time her desk : the thing that brought my attention was a book...I took it in my hands to try to remember...Oh, I see...

_Her diary...._

I remember giving that diary to her during the training process. After the brainwashing process she endured, the CIA.....wanted me to do tests on her to see if her memories were well implanted. It was at this moment I gave her everything she has on her desk...this diary was something from me....I wanted her to have a mean to express her feelings and how she was viewing the situation.....Don't know if she has really wrote in it but I'm gonna find out.

I then walk back to my desk and finally sit on my chair. I'm going to read her diary while I eat this sandwich. My first bite on the sandwich ended my hunger in a second....a hunger that was in me during 3 days. This sandwich was tasting very good as it was very simple. As I was gonna take another bite, I decide to check Bell's diary.

 _"Yes...she wrote in it ! "_ I said proudly while I just opened the book.

_Property of Jess "Bell" Blackwell_

This was marked in the first page...that's her handwriting, I recognized it ! 

I turned the first page and I saw that the pages were all filled with writings, she writed every day since she arrived here as Bell. I started to read one of the pages while I'm eating at the same time.

**\---------------**

_February 23th_

_Jess "Bell" Blackwell_

_I arrived in West-Berlin with Adler at the airport. Been a very long time I didn't see his face, since Vietnam and seeing him again is feeling strange. He was the first person I saw when I woke up yesterday and the first thing he said as I wake up was, as I quote : "Still sleeping, Blackwell ? ". He know that I prefer to be called "Bell", he was joking !_

_Apparently, I was wounded in a MI6 operation and was in a coma for a month but it's better to concentrate on what's happening right now as I'm back to the field._

_Adler told me about Perseus and I instantly agreed when he asked me to join him as he was putting an team to stop Perseus. I know that Sims is also part of his team and it will be good : I missed his face._

_But apparently, Adler told me that it was another MI6 agent that asked him to select me in his team : I think her name was Helen Park !_

_I don't know why but, it's seems that I know that name before, maybe we worked together in common missions or maybe friends but I'm facing memories problems because of the coma I had so I can't remember everything._

_We will soon arrive in our safehouse, I am in a hurry to see again Sims but also to talk with Helen Park as she's the second MI6 agent in the team, I heard she was willing to work with me !_

_I hope this will go fine !_

**\--------------**

_Yes, I wanted to work with her_

Reading this make me smile. I was happy to see her been like this, she was better to be like that instead of a robot programmed by the CIA. Shit....Blackwell, the team always called her Bell, I tried sometimes to call her Jess before I revealed the truth but she said she prefer I still adressed her as Bell even when we were together.

 _"Look like the CIA has forced her to keep this name."_ I said to myself, troubled

Few instants passed and I finished to eat the sandwich but I prefer to not read the next pages for the moment. I was still focused on this first page but then I heard a sound : it was the main door that was opening....Maybe Adler ! Soon as I heard it, I put Bell's diary in my bag and got up while putting the bag around my waist. The door opened but it was not Adler !

 _"Hey Park, you're okay ?"_ It was Sims, holding a cardbox in his hands

 _"Yes, I'm better....uuhhh...Do you know where's Adler ? I thought he was waiting for me at his desk !"_ I asked

 _"He came back from the dorm but he got a private call from Washington....he's in the Medical Room for the moment !"_ He replied while walking near the dashboard

He stopped next to it and looked at it, still holding his cardbox.

 _"Never thought that Bell will sacrify herself to try to stop the man who was her boss !"_ He said, looking at Perseus's picture

 _"Same....I never wanted that but this is what happened !"_ I replied, crossing my arms and looking at the ground

_"She was strong.....Shame that she was an Perseus agent !"_

_"Yes but....after we revealed her the sad truth, she was never able to accept the fact that she helped him....She was one of us, Sims. Since she arrived here !"_ I said, fierly 

He didn't say anything, just a little nod from his head, likely to say : _"I understand"._ Then, he walked to Bell's desk and put his cardbox on it, he started to take things in his hands and putting them inside the cardbox. What is he doing ?

 _"Sims, what are you doing ?"_ I asked

_"The CIA want Bell's things to be send back to Langley....especially Hudson's order !"_

_"Why ?"_ I said while approaching him

_"I don't know but since it's an order, I prefer to...."_

I didn't let him finish, I put my hand on his arm to make him stop what he was doing at the moment

 _"No...I'm not going to let this happen under my watch !"_ I told him, angry.

_"Park, Hudson told us...."_

_"I don't give a FUCK about what he said : all of these things were created by me for Bell...and I'm not letting anyone destroy the work she has done here"_ Just speaking about Hudson make me more angry 

_"What do you propose, Park ?"_

_"Since I created these and I'm not CIA...these things belongs to me....so, to the MI6 ! No one has the right to touch them except me & the MI6." _

I was right : these things are my property....MI6's property. Sims was biting his lips, heads down & confused, he didn't know what to do now. He looked at the box and then at me.

 _"Damn, Park ! You know that I don't like to disobey the orders !"_ He said, in defeat

 _"You agree ?"_ I asked

 _"Yes....I do it because it's for you, I'm gonna see with Adler what to do about them !"_ He replied while getting the things out of the cardbox

 _"Put them on my office, I'll prefer that !"_ I told him

We heard a noise : it was the door from the medical room opening. I turned around to look at it : it was Adler holding a portable phone. He walked to his desk without saying a word and put his phone down. Then, he looked at me.

 _"Park, ready to go ?"_ He asked to me, simply

 _"All set !"_ I replied

 _"Then, follow me, I'm driving you to the airport !"_ He said while going out of the safehouse

I took my bag and was ready to leave but I turned back to Sims to talk to him.

 _"Hope you'll hold your promises, Sims !"_ I told him with a serious voice

 _"I'll do it, Park ! Don't worry !"_ He said while turning his back to me

I finally walked out of the safehouse, it was raining...non-stop since we got back here and it was cold. Of course, I didn't have a umbrella so I had to join Adler who was waiting in the car under the rain. Didn't covered myself with the bag or my jacket so my hair was getting wet as I walked to the car.

I entered the car and installed myself on the front passanger seat, Adler in the driving seat.

 _"You didn't dry your hair, it seems !"_ He told me, joking

I didn't respond to that, not in an mood to joke at the moment and especially from him. He saw it on my face and he resume to start the car before getting a cigarette pack out of his pocket

 _"A smoke ?"_ He asked, holding his cigarette pack to me

 _"No thanks !"_ I said 

_"Come on, Park ! Can you try to...."_

"No...I said no !" I interrupted 

_"Fine !"_ He told as he finally get the car going.

_Direction : the airport !_

**\-----------------------**

After leaving the safehouse, me & Adler didn't talk during the whole driving to the airport....during the whole driving. He don't even try to open a conversation, probably more focused on the road. Seems that he didn't want to break me in my thoughts

It has taken us approximately fifthteen minutes for us to arrive at the airport...didn't see the time pass as I was in my thoughts. It was still raining outside...never going to stop. The car was stopped near the runway where a jet plane was waiting and near it, there were someone with an umbrella.

 _"So, this is it ! I'm leaving you here !"_ Adler spoke to me, lighting a new cigarette

 _"And when I should come back ?"_ I asked to him

_"In two days....you're coming back in 2 days at the safehouse, we'll probably have something on Perseus during that time !"_

I then took my bag and was ready to get out of the car but Adler put his hand on my left arm

 _"Please...try to control yourself about Bell ! I need you in shape for the future !"_ He asked

 _"Don't put too much hope in that ! Later, Adler !"_ I replied

 _"Goodbye, Park !"_ He said simply

He put away his hand from me and let me go out of the car with my bag. As I was standing up outside, Adler decided to leave immediately, leaving me finally alone. The person who was with an umbrella didn't move and I wasn't able to see his face from where I am because of the rain.

As I approached him, I heard him talk...familiar voice.

_"Park ?"_

It was Garrett...didn't saw him since my mission in East-Berlin

 _"Thanks god...Knew it was you !"_ He continued

 _"Garrett....I should have think you'll be the one to get me !"_ I said 

We were standing outside in the rain....him with an umbrella, me getting more wet from the rain.

 _"I think it's better that we talk about this in the plane, shall we ?"_ He said

I nodded and the two of us walked to the jet. He let me get in first : it was a private jet....property of the MI6. As soon as I walked in, I took the first seat I saw and sat down just next of a porthole, view on the outside. Garrett sit just in front of me.

 _"So...apparently, you need some days off ?"_ He asked 

_"No...it's that guy Adler that forced me to take some vacations... I had passed out yesterday from a...difficult situation !"_ I replied 

At the same moment, the plane started to take off as we hold ourselves at our seats.

_"Oh shit....what's this about ?"_

_"I....Uhm, Garrett....maybe we can talk about this later...I just need to think for the moment !"_ I said

 _"I understand....I'm changing seat...leaving you alone ! Good thinking, Park !"_ He said while getting up to sit somewhere else.

_"Thanks, Garrett !"_

Now, I was alone as the plane was flying away from West-Berlin

_Goodbye, West-Berlin......for the moment !_

I was looking outside : rain was still falling and there were a lot of clouds. This time was reflecting my sadness I got. It didn't stop raining since I learned of Bell's death. Shit....my bag was just beside me and....I opened it to take back her diary....maybe read another page can bring a little smile in me.

**\-----------------**

_February 23th_

_Jess "Bell" Blackwell_

_So, I finally met Adler's team for his operation : First, there were Sims, he didn't change since 'Nam, always in the funny mood but very effective in combat. I hearded that he was more on the logisticals & communications now than in actual combat. We'll see that later !_

_After that, I meet Lazar. Another CIA agent from Israel, he look like a good guy, maybe in his 30's, I meet him as he was polishing his gun. Can't tell anything more about him : I can just say that he's looking effective in the job._

_Then, I finally meet the women that wanted me : Helen Park ! In one second, I saw something in her : she's looking briliant but deadly ! She was happy to see that Adler brought me in. Our first discussion make me want to team up with her for the operation._

_Me & her are the only MI6 agent in the WHOLE group & also the only female ones. So I think that we are going to stick together as women but also as member of Her Majesty Secret Services !_

_I put great hopes in her & I saw on her face that she was doing the same !_

_Let's do our mission for the good of the West !_

_**\-----------------** _

I was smiling...just to see what she has written about me. I closed the book and put it back in the bag. Then I looked through the porthole, thinking about her last sentence she wrote, smile still on my lips and tears of joy in my eyes starting to flow. 

_Bell...I hope you're doing well up here !_

_Bell...I love you !_

** End of Chapter 2 **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late !
> 
> Didn't have much time to write this chapter but I think I will have more in the next few days !
> 
> Hope you liked to read this new chapter, mes amis !


	5. Night of pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback :
> 
> As Park is stationned in a MI6 safehouse with her friend & MI6 agent Garrett in West-Berlin, she's got a idea : spend a night with her BND friend & old lover Greta Keller !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before starting, I'd like to thank you all for reading this story !
> 
> Happy reading !

** January 18th 1981 at the beginning of the evening, MI6 hideout, West-Berlin **

_"And it's another day that passed !"_ It was Garett

I've been assigned with him to a MI6 safehouse in West-Berlin and our days were....pretty boring because nothing happened since some time. In fact, me & Garrett felt like these days were some kind of vacations : We are just getting into the action when our superior told us.....and this was rare to have something from him in these times.

Our hideout was in a cozy apartmenent in a complex located just next to the Berlin Wall and each day, we were looking at the people that was going through the Checkpoint Charlie to enter West-Berlin or the East...waiting for the call of our superior !

_At least, we were doing something !_

I was making some coffee for both of us in the kitchen as he was on the sofa, looking at the news on the TV just a few meters from me.

 _"Just like everyday, Garrett !"_ I said while I was preparing the coffee 

_"Our superior know that the two of us prefer to go on the field....and we're here !"_ He replied, complaining

He was right but we can't do anything about it ! We need to obey the orders...to stay here.

 _"Seriously thought : our superior....is a dick !"_ He continued 

_"I'm joining you in that idea but hopefully, he's not here to hear you !"_ I said, releasing a little laugh in the kitchen

Our coffee was ready and I put it in our cups. I took them in my hands and started to walk to join Garett.

 _"Here's your coffee !"_ I said while I handed him his coffee cup

 _"Thanks, Park !"_ He said, taking his cup

Once I gave him his cup, I sat on the armchair just next of the sofa.

 _"So....anything interesting on the news ?"_ I asked as he was looking the TV

_"Well...the war in Afghanistan is still going on....Ronald Reagan is the President of the US...and then, they talked about the military plane crash in Turkey.....in Trabzon !"_

_"They know what's happened over there ?"_ I continued

 _"Apparently, the rumors said that the crash was due to a malfunction but the Turkish autorities refused to say anything about it...so, I don't know what really happened !"_ He told me as he took a drink

I do the same as him and then took a look outside : a rainy evening....

 _"Raining....representing our boring days....even it's feeling good to hear the sound of the rain !"_ I exclaimed

 _"Yeap ! Been raining since 3 days....I hope that it's not the same weather in London !"_ He said before looking at me and asking me something " _Talking about London....how long we didn't put a foot in the UK ?"_

 _"I think...1 month and a half ?"_ I said, not sure of my answer, my eyesbrows raised

I didn't remember the last time we go in England as we were always redeployed somewhere when we finished our mission in one place. Sometimes, we are missing our "old" England and we always thinking to returning back to the country even for one day or just a hour !

 _"That's maybe correct...I don't remember either !"_ He told me, raising his shoulders

At the same moment, we both looked to the ground, our cups still in hands...maybe we were thinking about the same thing : when are we going back to the field ? And when we will see our homeland again ? Couldn't know...as I had these questions in mind.

Minutes passed and we were looking at the TV but for me that wasn't very interesting. I took a drink and then got up to put my cup on the table near the sofa. Garrett was lying down on the sofa, his cup positioned in his hands

 _"You finished your coffee ?"_ I asked him

 _"No but don't worry....I'll wash them !"_ He said

Since he has proposed himself to wash the cups, I decided to sit back in my armchair but I wasn't looking at the TV anymore...I was thinking of something else....about someone : Greta !

_Greta Keller...Pride of the BND !_

I remember that in my jeans pocket, I had a picture of her so I decided to take it in my hands and to look at it. It's more interesting than what was on the TV at this moment.

I was smiling proudly just to see that photo. It was a photo taken by me during one of our common missions : it was her in a military uniform...giving me a sexy look as she's holding her gun in hands.

_"Thinking about Greta, right ?"_

I looked up, it was Garrett who was still lying on the sofa but now he has turned his back around to face me.

"Yeap !" I said, still smiling

 _"Since when the two of you didn't.....well, you know ?"_ He told me while he was doing gestures with his two index fingers signifying....having sex !

 _"You know....you can tell the word, we're not in public !"_ I replied to him, laughing

He was faking a embarassed face and I could see it, he was joking and it's good to see him like that.....that's changing from the depressed face we're both making since we're here. I decided to respond to his question.

_"We didn't see each other since 1 week"_

_"I never understand one thing, Park..."_ He started to said

_"Which is ?...."_

_"You two....broke up in the beginning of December 1980....but you're still seeing each other to...fuck ! Can you explain because I never know why ?"_

I know that he was weird for him to see me still going to make some nights with Greta but even if me & her has broke up, we never liked the idea to not seeing each other again...but also to forgive our activities during these nights. In fact, I never know why we broke up because I just realized now....

_I still have feelings for her !_

_"Honestly...I can't tell you, Garrett ! Very long story !"_ I said

I hate lying but I prefer to not tell everything even if he's a great friend....I can't.

 _"You got luck that she's in East-Berlin...also in the same situation as us..."_ He responded, sounding happy

Greta was deployed just at one kilometer from us....in East-Berlin for surveillance work. Each time I go see her , I need to take Checkpoint Charlie. Hopefully, we were given the necessary papers to pass the chekpoint in case of a mission but these papers only served for me to meet Greta.

In fact, this just gave me a idea....

_What if I go see her tonight ?_

Been one week I didn't see her....and just thinking of her is making me....horny !

 _"Well...I'll go wash our cups and then, I'll stay on this sofa...looking at the TV !"_ Garrett said

He got up from the sofa and took our coffee cups in hands as he started to walk back to the kitchen. I was still thinking : Should I go ? Should I don't go ? 

My gaze fell on the coat hanger just next to the front door : I was looking at my white coat and at the same time, biting my lips just at the thought of leaving and then.....

 _"Fuck it....I'm going !"_ I whispered to myself

I quickly got up from my armchair and go to the coat hanger, I put my white coat on me and it was raining outside, I took the red gloves that was on the cupboard next to the coat hanger. After I put them on, I gave a look to myself with the mirror above the cupboard

_"Damn, Park....she's going to love it !"_ I said with a lovely smirking

 _"Uhm...uhm"_ I heard coughing

I turned around : it was Garrett, arms crossed, leaned against the wall, looking at me with a face that could say "What are you preparing ?"

 _"Wait....are you going to see Greta ?"_ He asked

 _"Of course..."_ I said, simply

He checked his watch and then looked back at me

_"It's 8:00 PM...you will still have time to cross the border. That's mean you're coming back tomorrow morning ?"_

_"It don't disturb you ?"_ I asked

 _"No...of course, I don't care if I'm alone."_ He said while redressing himself from the wall _"You want me to call Greta saying that you're coming ?"_

 _"No, I want to make the surprise to her !"_ I replied

He then walked back to the sofa where he lay down again on it

 _"Well, I'm calling at Greta's place in case I've got something for us !"_ He said

 _"Ok...good night, Garrett....and God save our Queen !"_ I told him

_"God save our Queen, Park !"_

I smiled & I opened the front door to leave the apartment without forgetting to take an umbrella & everything I need : fake papers, keys of the apartment....and not my gun.

_I was going to travel the most securized border in the world....better to not take my gun !_

It took me just fifthteen seconds to get to the ground floor as our apartment was at the second floor and I arrived in the hall leading to the exit of the building. Our safehouse was at roughly 100 meters from the Berlin Wall....and Greta's hideout was 900 meters from it....a little walk into the rain !

 _"I hope I will not get a cold !"_ As I take a look outside

I took a breath and I stepped outside, deploying in the same time my umbrella. The street was calm : few peoples were walking and some cars were driving either coming from the East or going to the East.

I start to walk in the direction of the Checkpoint and after one minute, I arrived near it : a guard was controlling a woman that was also going to the East. The guards are americans but it's preferable to keep a low profile even with those you consider allies. I had to wait a few instants before the guard let the women pass and then it was my turn.

 _"Miss....papers, please !"_ The guard asked to me

Without saying a word, I put my left hand on my pocket to take my papers and once I got them, I gave them to the guard who decided to check them out

_Routine....._

_"I think it's good for you...."_ He started to said while handing me my papers

 _"Johnson, she's the last pedestrian to cross the checkpoint...order from our boss !"_ I started to look around and saw that it was the guard dealing with the cars that talked to the guard with me.

 _"Roger that, Daniel !"_ The guard near me responded

 _"What's happening ?"_ I asked

 _"Uh...the Reds said they wanted to limit the number of foreigners crossing the borders each day....so, we had to comply with that to avoid tensions"_ He said

Then, he turned around to see the road between the road...for giving me indications.

_Stay to the East's sight !_

_Don't do anything stupid !_

I heard them each time I need to cross the border, I am used to it. 

_"Thanks you, sir !"_ I said, politely

 _"Good luck in East-Berlin !"_ He replied

Now, I was going to walk through the Berlin Wall. We could already see from the West the differences...starting by the Wall. Between the two walls, it was a heavely protected No Man's Land : watchtowers with projectors, soldiers walking with dogs on the East side. That was just the visual elements that we can see.

There's more than just guards : mines located just in the middle of the way of the two walls, motion detectors, tank traps....all of these things were placed by the Soviets during the construction of the wall 20 years ago. 

_"They made East-Berlin looking like a fucking fortress !"_ I said in despair just at the looking at all those things on the Eastern Wall

Finally, I arrived near the checkpoint of the East but I needed to face another guard because even I was cleared to pass the Wall, the Stasi prefer to check every person coming from the West. The women who passed before me was ordered to go inside a little building as a guard came to me as I approached the checkpoint.

 _"Identifications papers, please !"_ He asked me in german

 _"Yes, here they are !"_ I said in a nearly perfect german too as I hand him the papers.

_"What is your reason to visit East-Berlin ?"_

_"I need to see my....girlfriend, she's living near by !"_ I replied

I don't know why I decide to tell the truth but I wasn't going to invent something weird that will make me suspicious to the guard's eyes. Maybe he's going to find weird that two womens is loving each others....

 _"Your....your girlfriend ? A foreigner having a relation with a East-German women ?"_ He asked with concerns

 _"Yes...it's strange for you ?"_ I told him, raising an eyebrown

 _"Well, I'm not going to say anything...."_ He said while he gave me back my papers _"Anyway, I need you to enter that building as you will be frisked before entering the East !"_

 _" ' Danke' "_ I said while putting the papers back in my jeans

I walked inside the building where a young female guard had finished frisking the women and let her pass and now it was my turn. The female guard looked at me.

 _"I'm going to frisk you so I need you to get everything out of your clothes, to put them on that table and to raise your arms in the air"_ She said to me while approaching me

_Usual procedure...._

I complied immediately to her and started getting everything I got : my papers, the umbrella, my keys and once I finished, I put my arms in the air and spread my legs. First, she start to put her hands near my left foot and start to slowly getting them up until arriving near my crotch. Then, she do the same on the right side but she wasn't doing this delicately, she was more crushing me with her hands than frisking me.

 _"Watch out...you're hurting me !"_ I exclaimed to her in german

 _"Sorry...I'm stressed out !"_ She replied, concerned in her voice 

_"You're stressed when you are frisking people ?"_

_"Just....it's my first day here !"_ She responded while starting to put her hands around my waist

I could maybe understand the stress that girl is facing : having to frisk every person that come by the most protected border is very stressful....because one mistake in that work and you're sure you are not keeping your job one more day. 

After my remark, she was now going more slowly to me as she was frisking my top and then my arms. Then, after she's done, she withdraw from me and sit at her desk.

 _"You should be good...you can take back your belongings !"_ She said 

I took back my things that I put earlier on the table and then I was ready to leave but I thought that the guard was missing something.

 _"Did I need to do something before leaving? Signing a paper ?"_ I asked

 _"No...I think not !"_ She replied, surprised _"Welcome to East-Berlin !"_

 _" 'Danke'"_ I simply said at her remark as I finally leave the building 

I took a deep breath : I was finally in East-Berlin....just need to walk 900 meters and then, I will be in Greta's arms...or she will be in mine.

During my walk, I could see that the East was very different from the West : flags of the URSS and the DDR every 50 meters on a pole, the cars were pratically all the same : Trabant 601 and the people I walked by were looking at me strangely...maybe because of my clothes of the fact that I'm a complete stranger...Couldn't know !

**\---------------------**

Took me 5 long minutes until I arrived near where Greta's hideout was : she was living in a apartment complex near the Spree River just next to the Museum Island. I entered the hall's complex and it was a calm and charming place....just like Greta.

I decided then to check the letterbox because I needed to remember where's Greta was living exactly. I look at all of them until one of them caught my attention

_"Gabriela Kerwer...living in the fourth floor....apartment 4C" I whispered_

That was her false name she used since the BND send her in East-Berlin and to make sure I easily found her, she decided to keep her initials into her false name : G...K !

_Good thinking, Greta !_

I looked at the stairs : I had to climb 4 floors and of course, there were no elevator !

 _"Ok...just 4 floors !"_ I said before walking to the stairs.

I climbed the floors slowly but surely as I was a little bit tired of my walk through the rain and after 2 minutes, I was just in front of the door separating me from Greta. I took a deep breath and then, I started to knock

To make sure she understand that it was me, I created a signal : the knocks I'm making ! First, I needed to knock 4 times with one second between each one of them, stop just 2 seconds after the fourth one and then....knock 2 more times rapidly. It was in fact something that I created after a talk with Garrett and it's very simple.

_God save our gra....cious Queen !_

After the knocks, I started to hear some footsteps inside....and the sound of the door's lock.

 _"Don't panick...don't panick !"_ I was saying inside my head

Why I was panicking ? Because it's the first time I go see her without preventing....so maybe she's not alone and working with some of her colleagues from the BND....maybe she's not in the mood.....or maybe it's not her behind that door. Come on, I can do this !

The door opened and in one second, I was relieved : it was her ! She was dressed in her casual attire : red sweater, blue jeans, brown jacket. When I first see opening the door, she was looking tired but when she saw me, her look changed, showning happiness.

_"Helen ?" She said, amazed to see me_

_"Greta...it's good to see you !"_ I responded, smiling 

Just after I talked that she took me in her arms and we embraced each other in front of her door.

_" 'Meine Liebe Helen' but what are you doing here ?" She asked_

_"I...I wanted to make you a surprise but you're alone ?"_

_"Of course ! Come on, get in !"_ She told me as she withdraw from me and invited me to enter

I followed her inside and I removed my white coat. As soon I got it off that Greta approached me after she has locked the front door. 

_"You want me to take your coat ?"_

_"Yes, if you want !"_ As I handed her my coat

 _"Go sit in the sofa...I'll arrive soon with some...drinks !"_ She ordered to me as she walked away from me

I walked inside her apartment : it was all nice & charming....well more cozy than the safehouse that I shared with Garrett in West-Berlin. I arrived in the living room : the TV was on, diffusing communist propaganda & showing military parades and at the same time, a radio was also playing some classical music....the type of music Greta liked.

I sat down on the sofa as Greta asked and I started to looked around waiting for her to arrive. Then, she got out of her room and start to walk to the kitchen that was just in my sight.

 _"So...how's the work doing in the MI6 , Helen ?"_ I heard her asking this as she was opening a kitchen drawer

_"Well, like the last time...we're still at West-Berlin...waiting to get on a mission....and you ?"_

_"Me ?...I just finished a busy day working on my mission : needed to make some surveillance about a guy the BND suspected to be a Soviet spy and now....rest is the only thing I need !" S_ he said as I saw her with two glasses in hand

After a few instants, she finally came in the living room, her glasses in hand and giving one of them to me.

 _"Wine...for me ?"_ I asked 

_"I was going to drink..celebrating my loneliness but now that you're here...."_ She said, smirking at the end

To make sure I was feeling confortable with her...she decided instead of just sit next to me to lay down and to position her legs on my lap

 _"Woow...you're direct, you know that ?"_ I said, amazed 

_" 'Ja', I'm just all like you !"_ She said, her face looking flirty

I took a quick drink and then put the glass on the table just in front of the sofa. Once I've done, I put my hands on her legs delicately and started to slowly stroke them.

**\-------------3RD PERSON SEX SCENE-----------**

_"You know....we could...directly...get into the action !"_ Helen told as she start to moved her hands alongside Greta's legs and to move at the same time to approach her. She was just at a few centimeters from what she's considered the perfect German lips...

Greta was looking at her with lovely eyes and she took a drink from her glass. After she's done, she throw away her glass by posing it also on the table and then, she looked back at Helen who still got her naughty look

 _"Since you entered here....I was dreaming...of your...little 'Muschi' !"_ Greta said as her lips was going to make contact with the british's ones _"I always wanted to have sex with you at the moment you put a feet in here."_ She continued

 _"Been cheeky, are we, Greta ?"_ Helen replied with the sentence she liked to used in this situation and she knows that Greta love when she said that...same when Greta start speaking German with her.

The both agents lips finally made contact with each other....their kiss was full of pleasure, something that they didn't have since a week. They both showed that this kiss will not be their last. Helen had her left hand on Greta's right cheek and the other holding the German left leg while Greta's ones were both embraced around Helen's neck. Helen broke first the kiss and then looked at the door leading to Greta's bedroom

_"Shall we...take this to your room ?"_

Greta only nodded to answer her question. Helen got up from the sofa and offer her hand to Greta to get up. As soon she has gotten up that she continue to hold Helen's hand as she walk with her to her room. 

The two arrived in Greta's bedroom where they stopped just in front of the bed. Helen started to kiss with great passion Greta's neck....and in a second, Greta pushed her gently onto the mattress. The british women was on her back looking at the German spy as she was starting to undress in front of her.

 _"Agent Park....you need to know...that I have been a very....naughty girl !"_ Greta said while removing everything she has on top

 _"And me...agent Keller...that I thought the same about you !"_ Helen was doing the same as Greta 

Both women removed her clothes at the same time and when they finished, they looked at each other....both surprised and more naughty than ever. Just at the looking at Greta's body, Helen remember why she was always calling Keller "The Pride of the BND", her body was just beautiful and would have make everyone jealous of her and Greta.....Greta was more ready to get closer to the women that was in front of her

 _"Come on...you said you dreamed of it..."_ Helen positioned herself , spreading her legs to make her pussy visible as she was slowly stroking it with her hand. _"It's waiting for you !"_

Greta didn't wait any longer to react. She started to crawl on the mattress to reach Helen's pussy and once she's near it, she look at the british women.

 _"I missed it...'sein Geschmack'..."_ she said and then she started to slowly lick Helen's pussy with her tongue. Little groan were heard from Helen's mouth, invaded with pleasure & passion as Greta was doing her things but these groans started to be more loud as Greta decided to put a finger in her pussy and do come & go with it. Getting licked & fingered was giving Helen a lot of lust in her but it wasn't enough !

_Not enough !_

_"Greta...mmhm...more...harder !"_ Helen exclaimed as her voice was filled with groans and her hands were gripped hardly to the mattress

Helen wanted more right now but Greta wasn't listening as she was more concentrated to lick and finger her pussy.....so Helen decided to act more dominant.

 _"I said..."_ she started to said as with her hands, she grabbed Greta's hair and make her look at her, stopping Greta in her thing. At this moment, the German women know that Helen was going to be the one who is taking over the situation but she was liking that ! _"More...harder !"_

She keep her hands on Greta's head and forced her to continue to lick and this time, Greta was not going slowly : her tongue was moving more faster alongside Helen's cunt and her finger....she was now using two fingers to penetrate and Helen was loving it as she was more closer to the orgasm.

_"Fuck...I'm...gonna...cum"_

And just a few seconds after she said that, Helen finally squirted...all over Greta's face during a few instants as she was breathing heavely, able to release her orgasm out of her mouth...and out of her pussy. As she finished, Greta rise up to get at the same level as Helen : her face was all wet and she passed her hands inside her hair who was a part wet as she was looking Helen with compassion and a big envy to see the next move.

 _"What are you planning, 'meine liebe Helen' ?"_ Greta asked as she lay down next to Helen

 _"I want to see....how you're having pleasure as I took command !"_ Helen replied while starting to put a hand on Greta's breast _"Give me your lips !"_

The two move closer and then kissed, Greta still having what she received from Helen complied.

 _"Wow...I didn't remember that I taste so...lovely !"_ Helen said as she broke the kiss and feeling the taste of her own pussy on Greta's lips

She then positioned herself on top of Greta and started to release some kiss on Greta's neck. After, she moved slowly, releasing sweet kiss alongside the body of the BND agent, her hands following and stroking Greta's breast....to finally arrive near her pussy.

 _"Helen, lick my 'Muschi', make me scream ! "_ The german women said

 _"Say the magic word !"_ Helen told her

 _"Please...Helen...fuck me, make your little german spy scream !"_ Greta replied...pleasure taking over her voice....she just wanted to be fucked by her friend right now, nothing else !

Helen didn't wait any second to do what she wanted to do since she put a feet inside Greta's apartement. She approached her pussy and she could see that it was all wet...Greta was already excited but she was going to be more wet than before as Helen started to lick furiously her cunt rapidly...she even used her tongue to penetrate Greta's pusssy.

What's Helen was doing was giving more pleasure & list to Greta who was groaning louder than Helen....more than her and that was able to be heard in all the apartment but Greta didn't give a fuck : right now, she was more focused to take pleasure.

 _"Mmhm...ah....Helen....it's....wonderful !"_ Greta said as she was looking on the ceilling and when she look down, she could saw Helen who was watching her as the same time she was playing with her pussy...A look with her eyes that would describe that she was in charge here...and Greta was just loving it that way.

_"I'm going....' Scheiße'...Helen"_

And now, it was Greta's turn to squirt on Helen's face....same amount as before...all over the MI6 agent face and hair....she was relieved but Helen wasn't done, yet....either be Greta...for one last thing.

Helen start to position herself between Greta legs and by one hand, straightened her up just in front of her by putting her hand on her neck. Just as Greta was getting up that she also position herself same as Helen....she know what the british women has planned : tribbing !

 _"Ready...for the last round, Greta ?"_ Helen said, her hand still on Greta's neck

 _"Yes, I'm ready...Agent Park !"_ Greta replied

Soon as Greta responded that they started to rub their pussy against each other....they were pushing to their own limits as they already had orgasms but they were ready to move farther, their pussy all wet...was making everything better for them. Helen was still holding Greta by the neck.

 _"Tell it...you love me !"_ Helen said, her voice filled with lust

_"Helen...I....I love you !" Greta responded, breathing as she was concentrated_

The two started to get closer to the orgasm but Helen needed to ask a last time...one last time.

 _"Say it ! Say it.....again, please !"_ she pleaded as she was getting closer

And then.....

 _"I LOVE YOU !"_ Greta screamed as she finally got her orgasm at the same time as Helen....her scream was full of love, lust..and pleasure...everything wanted by Helen.

They came together and they looked to each other, proud. They were breathing heavily after what they have done...their body were all tired but their minds were all pleased from this moment.

The two finally lay down on the bed where Greta pull a blanket on them. They were looking each other in the eyes.

 _"I love you, Helen !"_ Greta said while putting the blanket

 _"Me too...always have !"_ Helen responded

Now, it was time to sleep for them....each other pleased from the moment...a night to never forget !

**\---------------BACK TO PARK'S POV------------------**

_"What a night !"_ I said inside my head as I woke up

That's what I wanted : a beautiful and....sexy night spent with Greta. I was happy just to think about it ! I opened my eyes and she was the first thing I saw : she was in my arms..awake as I saw her turned her to face me.

 _"Helen....'Meine Schonheit von der Krone !"_ She said to me

_My beauty from the Crown !_

_"Greta...Pride of the BND...good sleep ?"_ I asked

 _"Of course...after that night, sleeping can always be good !"_ She replied to me

I started to move and then sit on the border of the bed

 _"You want me to prepare coffee for us ?"_ She asked to me while getting her hands around my waist

 _"Yeah...I like when it's you doing them !"_ I said, putting my hands on her's

I was going to get dressed when I feel her lips...slowly touching my neck...kissing it...They were still having that wet feeling and I love it but suddenly....I heard like a phone ringing inside her living room but I didn't give any more attention as Greta was still kissing me.

_"Oh, Greta...you're feeling good !"_

_"I know...you told me that since we're fucking together....since a long time !"_ She said, proudly

She let their hands off me as she was also getting up too letting me get dressed back in my clothes. Once I got my clothes, I was ready to make a surprise kiss to Greta...until I heard that phone ringing again.

Then, I started to remember.

 _"Why that phone still ringing ?"_ Greta asked

 _"Garrett said that he would call here in case he's got something for us."_ I responded, remembering what he said before I leaved our safehouse _"I'll take it !"_

_"Good...I'll prepare the coffee during your call !"_

I got up and leave Greta's bedroom to get to the phone : it was just next to the TV that wasn't turned off yesterday...as we were more focused on sex than anything else. I took it in hands and started talking.

 _"Park's here !"_ I said

 _"Thanks god, it's you !"_ It was Garrett but just hearing his voice, something was wrong because I never hear that type of voice in him

_"Are you okay ? Your voice is....strange !"_

_"No...I've got big news for us....in fact...for you !"_ He said, sounding worried

 _"What do you mean : for me ?"_ I asked

_"Do the name "Russell Adler" means anything to you ?"_

Shit...a name I didn't hear since a long time : met him back during a assignement two years ago and now, it was Garrett telling his name. Adler was a special agent to work with but his character make him earned a nickname that fit him well.

 _"Yeah, CIA Agent....nicknamed "The American's Monster" ! Why ?"_ I told him

 _"That guy, Adler called our superior : he said that....Agent Helen Park is asked to be present at Langley !"_ he said 

_"What do you mean ? Langley, the CIA's HQ in the US ?"_

_"Yeah...apparently, you are given to the CIA for an undetermined time by the director....You understand me : OUR director has given you to the CIA to an mission I don't know a fucking clue !"_ He exclaimed, angered by what's happening

If Adler is asking me, it's not for just a little thing ! That guy already do things in big and now, he's requesting me to come in the US....Damnit !

 _"And when I need to go there ?"_ I asked

 _"That's the thing : The CIA wants you to be at Langley....tonight !"_ He said, his voice cracking at the last word

 _"What ?"_ A single word I said to give my imcomprehension

_"Park...you need to come back here quick because there's CIA agents in the safehouse...and those guys weren't happy to see that you were in East-Berlin !"_

_"Shit...I'm coming ! See you soon, Garrett !"_

I hung up the phone back to this place and I closed my eyes just to think about the situation : I was going to get back with Greta...and out of nowhere, Russell Adler is breaking my attempt by asking me in the US. I don't know how to say that to her.

_I need to tell her !_

I turned around but I was surprised when I saw Greta...her face sad...holding my coat in hands.

 _"I....I heard everything you said...everything Garrett said !"_ She said with a sad voice, tears coming from her eyes.

 _"I'm sorry....I had no choice, Greta. I need to leave now !"_ I told her, face down

 _"So, that's means we will not see each other for a long time ?"_ She asked

 _"Yes...a very long time !"_ I was just sad...just at the idea to say that to her

She approached me with my coat and then, she took me in her arms. She was also saddened to let me leave like that...but I think she understand that...I have no choice !

 _"I hope you will doing well, Helen !"_ She said to me 

She withdraw from me and she handed me my coat that I put on. Then, I followed her to the front door that she opened but I could see that she had some troubles to open it....she didn't wanted me to leave. I found myself in front of her...outside her apartment, her still inside, holding the door.

 _"I love you...Helen, don't forget me !"_ She exclaimed 

_"I will try...I will !"_ I said as no other words was able to come out of my mouth 

_"Goodbye, Helen !"_

She closed the door in front of me and just a few seconds after, I was able to heard her burst in tears inside her apartment...but I wasn't able to come back inside...I needed to return quickly in West-Berlin.

_I'm sorry, Greta !_

_I'm sorry...._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked to read this new chapter !
> 
> Hard for me to write this chapter because of...you know !
> 
> Feel free to comment !
> 
> Next up is the first chapter of Bell's story coming soon !


	6. A return to the country....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long time, Park finally set foot in the United Kingdom again !

**March 19th 1981, in the end of the afternoon, Heathrow Airport, London**

_"Welcome back to England, Park !"_

It was the first words Garrett told me as the plane's door was opening to the outside. First thing I saw that there were no rain : just a clear sky with no clouds....changing from Berlin's weather. He got out first of the plane as I followed. 

It was feeling good to put a foot again on the soil of the UK. It's been more than 5 months I wasn't able to return here.

 _"The Sun never set on the British Empire, right Garrett ?"_ I said, joking

 _"Of course...another shining day for our country !"_ He replied, looking at the sky

 _"Where are we going now ?"_ I asked

_"Well, we're going to Century House, maybe you want to see your office back !"_

_"My office ?"_ I told him with concerns

_"Yes, your office....forgot that you had one ?"_

_"Well, I didn't go to the MI6's HQ since 5 months so sorry if my memory is turning me around !"_

_Five longs months....and I can't remember to having a office in the MI6._

I continue to follow him until we arrived near an car. He opened the trunk of the car for me to put the bag I had on me and then he was starting to open the left front door.

 _"I'm driving....once you got your bag in the trunk, get in !"_ He said, proudly

 _"Garrett...how long have you not been in England ?"_ I asked him, my face looking shocked

 _"I'm travelling each week to West-Berlin so it's been a week....why are you asking ?"_ He told me as he was opening the left front door of the car

_"You know that the driving seat is on the right side...because we're in England!"_

When I said that, he look inside the car and I was right. I've only been here for 2 minutes and I didn't even forgot that from my 5 month away from here. He was looking discomfortable just to that.

 _"Just...get in, okay ?"_ He said to me, little laughing

After my remark, he walked to the right door and positioned himself in the driving seat as I finished to put my bag on the trunk. I closed the trunk and then join Garrett inside the car just next to him.

Just as I put the security belt that Garrett started the car and drove away from the airport. I saw that he was happy to see me back...and also surprised to see me smiling and joking....even me, I was surprised to that. I think it was me trying to forget the events that happened before....but I'm still thinking of it. I think I just wanted to not cry or burst in tears in front of Garrett.

After a few minutes of silence between the two of us....in fact, it wasn't silence at all because Garrett turn the radio on...playing some pop music....american's ones. He was the first to spoke during the driving.

 _"So....we didn't speak during the fly about...what happened to you these last times."_ He told me

 _"It's...complicated : we have done our objective but when someone you liked get lost....it's hard to forget them !"_ I replied to him

 _"Someone you liked....what...what do you mean ?"_ He asked worried

 _"I lost the one I loved, Garrett....the girl I talked you about a month ago...she sacrificed herself for the good of us....she died because I wasn't there to save her."_ I responded, heads down, not proud at all

I saw in this face that he was discomfortable to hear that and he remember when I told him that : at the meeting point where I gave him Volkov. He was still focused on driving but he was shocked by the news.

 _"I...I'm sorry...she must have been...great for you !"_ He said, sounding like he was excusing himself

 _"Listen, we can talk about it in my office, if you prefer !"_ I exclaimed

He only nodded to me, saying yes. Even if Garrett doesn't need to know what I have done during my time in Adler's team, it's better for him that I talk about that....for him....and for my own good.

_My own good !_

After that, the real silence took his place back in the car as Garrett, after hearing me, has turned the radio off. He doesn't like to hear that type of news....me & him already faced that before...and everything was repeating again. After fifthteen long minutes of driving, we have finally arrived at Century House, the MI6's HQ...

_And "London Worst-kept secret"..._

The car entered a underground parking just below the building and when the car stopped on a parking space, I took a deep breath, holding my head with my hands firmly....just to think about Bell. 

_"Are you okay, Park ?" Garrett_ asked

 _"Yeah....just....uh...I'm okay !"_ I responded with some trouble

_"You're sure you still want to talk about.....her ?"_

_"Of course, it's better that I tell you...can help me to....feel good!"_

He put his hand on my shoulder for a few instants before withdrawing it, I could only give him a smile for his gesture. Then, he got out of the car followed by me, he opened the trunk where I took back my bag and then we walked to a lift at a few meters from where the car was placed.

As the lift just arrived, there's something I wanted to ask to Garrett.

 _"I never asked....what happened to Volkov after I brought him to you last month?"_ I said as the lift's door opened

 _"The guy was at first a pain in the ass but after a few days, he started to talk about everything he knew : operations of the Russian mafia, of this 'Perseus' and everything that can help the MI6 to gain a advantage in the East !"_ He replied as we enter the lift at the same time and the door closed as the lift got up

_"And after that ?"_

_"Well, after he ran out of words, we make him disappear...in a way !"_ He said, normally before releasing a little laugh at the end.

_"Which way ?"_

_"He's sleeping with the fishes, now !"_

_"Good !"_ I said with a simple word...proud

 _Everything this guy was deserving !_

Of course the MI6 wanted him alive & me too but it wasn't planned to let this guy live another day after he gave us everything the MI6 wanted to hear. Records said that Volkov was a monster inside Perseus organization...and numbers of MI6 agents died, trying to get their hands on him. Some of them....were killed the same way he was disposed of...

_How ironic !_

I was looking up to see the numbers of the floors : we stopped at the fifth floor and then, the lift door opened.

 _"Welcome back to the Specials Operations Agents floor of the MI6 !"_ Garrett said to me as I follow him to a reception.

There were a women...young one and she seemed she was knowing Garrett.

 _"Hey, Garrett, I see that you got company..."_ The women said to him

 _"Sarah...good to see you too, she's my friend, Helen Park !"_ He responded to her while pointing me with his hands

 _"Oh, I see !"_ She told as she was looking at me

 _"Listen, can you tell the director that we arrived ? He said that he wanted to see us !"_ Garrett spoke as he was putting his crossed arms on the reception desk

_"He's in a reunion, right now. Maybe I can call you when he's free ?"_

_"No...tell him to join us...at her office, he know the way. "_ He said, looking at me

 _"Ok, I'll tell him that !"_ She muttered to him as she was making signs to him to approach her.

I saw him comply to her signs and then talked to each other without been able to hear what they were saying...maybe Garrett has something for her...can't tell. He then withdrawed from her.

 _"I'll think about that !"_ He simply said before giving signs to follow him again

During the walk to my office, I wanted to know more about her...and about what he feel.

 _"This Sarah....there's something between you two ?"_ I asked

 _"What ? I can't have a chance to get a relationship with someone ?"_ He said, smirking

_"Hey...just asking !"_

_"She's been here since 3 months...and let's just say that I like her !"_

_"Good luck, Garrett !"_ I told him as we arrived near a door that was my office.

_Helen A. Park_

_Special Operations Officer_

That was marked on the door !

 _"Thanks...and here's your office !"_ He replied as he was opening the door.

I took a look inside : he was feeling weird to see it again now : a wall of cupboard on the right, my desk with just a computer, some files and seems like there were also framed pictures...two actually.

I walked inside of it and it was all clean...after 5 months of absence.

 _"When we learned from that guy Adler that you were coming back for a few days, we cleaned the room for you."_ Garret said as I was looking to my desk

_That's explain why my office was perfect !_

I took a seat on my desk chair, putting my bag on the ground next to me as Garrett was also sitting on one of the chair just in front of me. My gaze fell on the framed pictures I saw : the first one was...me & Greta holding in each other arms, dressed in military outfit, armed & posing for the photo.

 _"Ah...that was the first mission we have done after me & Greta got together ! Where was that mission ?"_ I said, remembering the context of the picture but not the place

 _"You were very close...and that mission was a piece of cake for the two of you, I think it was in....Mexico: Stopping a Soviet agent to flee who was helped by corrupt Mexican Army soldiers."_ He was remembering everything...because he was the one who took that picture

And then, our both gaze fell on the second picture and on it there were more than just me & Greta : Garrett was next to me with at his side, Stone & Megan, two of our friends...fallen friends.

 _"Great picture...sad day !"_ I said, voice cracking just to think about what happened

 _"Yeah, losing Stone & Megan was the worst thing that happened to us, we were making a good team...and that day, we lost them...because the soviets knows we were coming ! Even if we succeeded to destroy that facility, losing them make that day...a nightmare to remember ! " _He told as he was still thinking about that

Stone was our friend in the SAS, one of the hero of Operation Nimrod that happened one year ago, the best of the best...and he died that day. I witnessed him...been shot in the head by the guy we were supposed to kill. He died to protect me....same as Megan. She was with us since me & Garrett arrived in the MI6. She...she sacrificed herself to make sure we escape that base....facing alone a tons of soldiers.

 _"Since that day, things started to change. We succeeded to get over it but there's still something that always come back !"_ He exclaimed

_He's right, it's never going to go..._

We didn't talk for a moment until I decide to speak....of Bell. I open the bag and took the things that was from her, putting them on the desk

 _"This...is everything Bell had, here's her 'file' !"_ I spoke to Garrett as I handed him Bell's file...the one I created

 _"Ok, let me see !"_ He said as he took the file

He gave a attentive look on it as far I can see in his eyes.

_"I see that you gave her some accomplishements we made !"_

_"It was for her good, Garrett. I wanted to give her back her humanity...that the CIA stoled from her...even if everything you see on that file is a goddamn lie created by me !"_ I replied, firmly

_"And...how was her work ?"_

_"She was...perfect, the best I can see...in all domains...and she loved me even when I told her the truth. In fact, I think you were going to like her !"_

Then, I see that he was looking to the diary...her diary that I took out of the bag.

_"This book was her diary....uh...you want to take a look ?" I said while giving the diary_

_"Of course !"_ He replied as he took the diary.

I was attentive to the look Garrett gave about what he was reading : first, I could see that he was smiling at the first pages I read but then, he start to continue reading parts of the diary that I didn't take a look and at the moment he start to read the chapters I don't know, his look was becoming more...worried & terrified.

 _"Park....did you read the entire diary ?"_ He asked, still looking terrified

 _'No, just the first day she wrote...why ?"_ I replied, not understanding his gestures

_"More I look to this diary....more I have pity & compassion for...Bell. But...."_

_"But what ?"_

_'I'm going to give a advice, Park : Don't look the next chapters, they....are not to be seen !"_

He gave me back the diary and I wanted to check the next chapter but he stopped me in doing that.

 _"Park, I told you : Don't read them !"_ As he put his hand on the diary I had in hand

 _"Listen, Garrett...."_ I started to said but then..

**KNOCK.....KNOCK**

Two knocks on my door's office....must be the director because Garrett told her friend to make him come to my office. 

Me & Garrett both looked to each other and then I spoke first.

 _"Come in !"_ I ordered as I put the diary away

The door opened : it was him and he was delighted when he saw me.

 _"Agent Park, it's good to see you back here !"_ The director said to me

 _"Sir"_ Me & Garrett said in the same time.

_"Agent Garrett...I would like to have a discussion with Agent Park alone, you will talk of your surprise later...."_

_"His surprise ?"_ I asked but none of them responded

 _"Yes, sir !"_ Garrett said before getting up and leaved my office. Now, I was with my boss, the director of the MI6.

_"Park, I would like to give you my regards for your work within the CIA Agent's team, what you have done is grateful for us in the MI6 !"_

_"Thank you, sir but I'm not the only one to thanks...there were Bell !" I said, looking down._

_"Well, I guess that now, you can give her this !"_ He told me as he put something under my eyes

_A badge ?_

I looked at it and....I saw her face...Bell, a real badge of the MI6 !

_Agent Jess "Bell" Blackwell_

_MI6 Special Operations Officer_

...marked on that badge.

_"Sir...Bell...she's dead !"_

When I told that, I see that he was concerned about that, the director saw the potential of Bell and know that she would have make a real good MI6 agent...and I told him that she was dead.

 _"I'm sorry to hear that...."_ He said, shocked

 _'It's my fault, I wasn't able to make a report after that mission...and it was my fault to let her leave."_ I said as tears started to flow from my eyes

I was struggling to not cry in front of my director.

_"What I heard about her....she was one of the best you teamed with, I heard about the relation you got with her, Agent Park !"_

_Must've been Adler that told him !_

_"I was proud of her...I still am.....but the CIA broke her too much !"_ My voice starting to crack, crushed by my emotions

_"We can't predict what the CIA are able to do, we should have been more present in this operation !"_

He was right : when I arrived in Langley to meet with Adler in January, I was feeling just a prisoner than a MI6 agent....obliged to follow their orders and oppressed by the fact that I was all alone....The East-Berlin was the only mission I was able to feel free and then it was a coming back in the CIA's hands but at least, there were Bell !

 _"I think that you should take a break, Agent Park !"_ He then said while getting up

 _"They said that I've been given 2 days off but....I want to return tomorrow if possible...you know that I prefer to stay on the field."_ I asked him

 _"Of course, Agent Park ! I'm leaving, Garrett is coming back to you, now !"_ He said as he open the door and giving signs to Garrett that was waiting at the door _"Goodbye, Agent Park ! I'll recontact you when you return to West-Berlin !"_

_"Goodbye, sir !"_

He then left as Garrett returns in my office but this time, he wasn't sitting down.

 _"So...you remember that I had a surprise for you !"_ He started to said

 _"Yeah, what is it ?"_ I asked...worried

_"I called your family, Park !"_

_"You did what ?"_ I told him but I wasn't angry at all

_"That was the surprise : I called your family saying that you were coming back for a night....this evening !" He replied, proudly_

Been a long time I didn't see my parents....and my little brother, Edward. And now, Garrett gave me a opportunity to go see them back. After all this time, I think seeing them again can make me some real good to me.

 _"So...are we going, now ?"_ He asked

The instant he said that that I put my jacket back on me and reput the things I had on the desk back inside the bag. I put it around my waist and then looked back at him.

_"Let's go !"_


	7. ....and quickly back to work !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After returning to the MI6's HQ, Park finally saw her family after a long time.

**March 19th 1981, on the road at the beginning of the evening, London**

_Time to come back home...for a night._

I was thinking that as we were on the road with Garrett driving me to my family. I was happy to go see them again after some much time on the field but I know that this night will not last forever. Even if Adler told me to take days off, I need to return to work as soon as possible : Perseus is the main reason of that. 

During the first minutes of driving, we didn't talk about anything, we were both thinking....at least I was thinking because Garrett was whistling in accordance with the music that was on the radio.

 _"So, when did you call my parents to say that I'm coming back for a night ?"_ I asked, breaking the silence that were placed between us

 _"I called them back on the plane...but you were asleep and you didn't hear me !"_ He responded

_I start to sleep more frequently these days._

_"Thanks you, Garrett for doing this for me !"_

_"I had to ! After what I've been told by that 'Adler', I know that this was the best way for you to get some rest for a few days !"_ He said, with a smile as he was still focused on the driving

 _"I...prefer to return to West-Berlin tomorrow, my job is...."_ I said

_"Park, you need some rest ! It can only appeasing you...."_

_"Garrett, I made my choice : even I was said to take some vacations, we both know that I prefer to stay on the field....like you !"_ I cut him in his response

My response to him brought the silence back in the car...again, I'm must say that I'm becoming a pro into provoking a silence of death around me.....and it's annoying.

_Damn you, Park !_

Well, the silence didn't last so long that Garett decided to speak...this time on another subject.

_"I was thinking....do you think Edward will still call me 'Uncle Garrett' ?"_

_"We'll see that....we're making a bet ?"_ I responded, joking....just to break my sad personality taking over me.

Edward, my little brother always called Garrett 'his uncle' but they didn't see each other for a long time. Maybe Edward will forget...or not ! But, I must say that I'm surprised that Garrett remembered being called like that.

 _"Uh....nope !"_ He said, firmly

_"Why ?"_

_"Because we both know you're gonna win it....and also because I need some money for...a special date !"_ I nodded at the first part of his response

_"Oh....your reception girl, Sarah, right ?"_

_"Yeah, I want to invite her in a date, I just need to find the place & the time !"_

Poor Garrett didn't have the best luck in charming but it wasn't his fault. Now, I think he's pretty happy to finally have the good chances to succeed in his goal....

 _"About love....do you have news of Greta ?"_ He asked me

 _"I.....I saw her back nearly one month ago for my...East-Berlin mission"_ I was struggling to find my words as talking about Greta is complicated _"I told her the truth....and she understand !"_

I don't know if it was me talking about Greta or the temperature inside the car but I was starting to get hot...too hot to let me breathe correctly. I decided then to remove my scarf, I never do this one in front of other people even Garrett but....I was thinking just to be alone. Removing my scarf make me think back about how I got the scar....I'm keeping for life.

I closed my eyes and slowly moving my left hand alongside the scar, I was never proud of it....never. I think that Garrett saw me doing this as he speak to me.

 _"You should stop thinking about...what happened with "Shell" !"_ He said, referring to our old superior back at our beginning in the MI6

_"I was too naive to let us work with "Madam Shell", how I was so fucking stupid to trust her....and to let her make this...atrocity ?"_

_"Park, it's not...an atrocity, we couldn't know that she was an double agent and that she will do that to you."_

_"Come on, you know how she was doing her work, I can't help myself on the fact that I have something for life on my neck. This.....means I"m someone that is too naive !"_ I replied to him, pointing my scar but he wasn't looking as he was focused on the road

_"I think we should need to stop talking about that...because we're arrived at our destination !"_

I wasn't concentrated on the road and I didn't even see that we were arrived at my home....not far away from London, in the campaign. I didn't even notice.....more focused on my damn problems.

First thing before leaving the car was to put my scarf back around my neck to cover my scar because even my parents know that, they don't want to see it....and I don't want to scare my brother. I took my bag that was on the backseats and then leaved the car, following Garrett to walk to the front door.

We both looked at each other to see who was going to knock at the door first, he was giving signs to me and I complied to knock on the door. Now, we have to wait for either my mom...my dad or even my little brother to come.

And just a few seconds later, I started to heard noises of footsteps inside...little ones.

_Edward..._

The door finally opened : it was him and when he saw us, he make a big smile and was sounding very excited. He looked at me.

 _"Helen"_ He said while spreading his arms 

_"Edward....my little brother ! Missed you !"_ I replied taking him in my arms, kneeling at the same time

I was happy to see him again after a long time. We broke the little hug and then he took a look at Garrett

_"Uncle Garrett !"_

They do the same thing but I could see the look on Garrett face, he was like : 'Hopefully I didn't bet money !' but at least he was also happy. Few instants later, we finally entered the house where my parents were waiting for us in the kitchen that was just a few step from the entrance.

They weren't surprised when they saw me because they were already aware of my return for a night but I could see on their faces that too much time passed since we didn't see each other. Dad was the first to approach me and hugged me then it was the turn of mom.

 _"It's good to see you back, Helen...even it's for one night only !"_ My mom said after we withdraw from our hug

_"I know, there's no vacations in our work !"_

My mom was reluctant to let me go again because she never wanted me to join the MI6 even after what happened after I lost my older brother, William in a terrorist attack. I was a Oxford's prodige when this happens and it's after that I joined the MI6. My dad....was the one to support me in my choice and it took time for him & me to change my mom's opinion years back.

 _"Garrett, you're staying with us for the dinner ?"_ My dad asked to him

 _"Why not...."_ He simply replied

 _"Well, it's time to take your seats, it's already ready !"_ My dad said as he ordered us to follow him in the dining room

**\------------------------**

The dinner went pretty fine, I was happy to have some good talks with my parents about nothin and everything : the past, the present...and the future. I was smiling but inside of me, I was struggling to not let some tears flow because now, my thoughts were all on Bell....after what's Garrett saw in that book, I needed to see it even after what he adviced me.

I think the dinner took 2 hours to last...or 3....or 4. Didn't see the time passed but I could see that it was nearly past midnight. My mom was cleaning up the table, my dad was accompanying Edward to his room as Garrett was putting his jacket back on to leave as I was with him in the entrance.

 _"So, I pick you back up tomorrow morning ?"_ He told me

_"Yeap, we'll go back to the MI6 and then to the airport....back to West-Berlin ! You're going to go see your Sarah ?"_

_"No, I need to work on something back at Century House....if you need me, call me !"_

_"Ok, goodbye, Garrett !"_ I said as he was leaving the house back to the car _"And....God save the Queen !"_

He nodded and replied by the same thing. I saw him then getting in his car and driving off away from here. I closed the front door and took my bag that I left on the entrance when I arrived here : there were the main things about Bell in it...and I wanted to check them....principaly the diary. 

I passed by the kitchen to tell goodnight to my mom before climbing the stairs of the house to my room. When I arrived on top, I witnessed my father leaving Edward's room.

 _"You're already going to sleep, Helen ?"_ He said, crossing his arms, leaned against the wall

_'Yes, dad...I want to sleep now. Maybe it's because of the wine...."_

_"It's okay, I'm pretty banged up of my day too....goodnight, Helen !"_ He exclaimed as he was walking back to his room

 _"Good night, dad !"_ I replied as he closed his door

My room was just on my left, just need a few steps and I opened the door. The room didn't changed at all since the last time : all cleaned up, bed fully prepared and my desk....still full of folders or things dating from my days in Oxford. I locked the door behind me, put the bag on my bed and then took a seat on my desk's chair.

I was looking at my bag just with a question in head :

_Should I violate Garrett advice ?_

I needed to do it....I need to know about Bell ! what she was feeling about herself, about the mission................about me but I couldn't do it right now. More I was looking at the bag, more the time was passing by and then.....

_"Fuck it !"_

I opened the bag and took the diary with me that I put on the desk ready to read it. I hope I know what I'm doing right now.

**\-----------------**

_February 24th_

_Jess "Bell" Blackwell_

_Thinking about "Fracture Jaw", it's been a long time. I still can't remember how a young girl just aged at 18 years old find herself in one of the most brutal conflict that happened, accompanying the CIA on a dangerous mission. Just one year in the MI6 and I was sent to Vietnam !_

_At least, I could remember what happened that day : hearing the "Rides of the Valkyrie" on the way to our first objective, me & Sims getting out of the chopper and killing dozens of Viet-congs & some russians soldiers to grab a folder full of papers mentioning Perseus name before going to that "Ripcord" base....to grab a goddamn nuclear bomb. _

_A fucking nuke in the middle of Vietnam ? The americans are strange !_

_During our little "memory work" as Adler said, I was starting to thinking that I was the only working the memories and I think it was the case. Anyway, Adler has somehow succeeded to get his hand on the file we got that day. There were still blood on it....after 13 years !_

_And on everyone, I was the only one able to decrypt the file. Hopefully, I wasn't the only one that had decryption training in the group : Park offered her help to me and I agreed. It was better with her at my side because in less than 2 hours, the folder was entirely decrypted. Park, after seeing everything in it was very grateful about my work and I'm thinking the same about her._

_She's special....more special than I ever thought, I want to see her in action just to see that I'm working with what I can classify as the best MI6 agent I saw in years....and also the most beautiful one. Shit, I hope she will not see that !_

_After that, I gave the folder to Adler and he just say : 'Good' before taking the file with him._

_Really ?_

_Now, I need to take some rest as Park suggested but I need to think !_

_2475.....2475.....What does this number means ?_

\-------------------

Just by reading this, my lips were making a smile : she was classifying me as the best MI6 agent...but also as she wrote "the most beautiful one"....Damn, this does provoked me to blushing just to think of this.

_Bell, don't be sorry to wrote that !_

I see that she started to have some feelings at that time before our mission at East-Berlin and my feelings....was already there since the interrogation she had during weeks. Adler said that I needed to stay professional with her but I couldn't....It became more than that after what I saw from the CIA...what they have done to her.

But now, something were intriguing her : 2475....what is this number ? I remember that it's not something we found back on that folder we decrypted but what could it be ? To make sure, I decided to take "Bell" file to check but there weren't anything corresponding to that number.

Why that number was coming inside her mind....and why this number was getting important to me ? 

_Maybe I should take a nap !_

I put the diary back on the bag and then moved the bag just next to the bed. I lay down on the bed without putting the blanket over me...without removing my clothes. I'm trying to sleep but I can't. Everything I tried, they all failed. I can't sleep....not here.

Hours passed and I couldn't find any minute to sleep, I was all sweating from the heat inside my room. I know that I shouldn't be here in my home : I should be working against Perseus, not taking a nap here......and Bell taking over my thoughts. This wasn't torture, I just couldn't forget her.

I checked my watch : 4AM...

I can't stay here any longer : I wanted to see my family again but I need to go to work. 

_"Garrett, I need to call him !"_ I exclaimed

I got up from my bed, put my bag around my waist and started to leave my room. I gave a last look before opening the door and leaving. I was not making any noises not wanting to wake my parents or my brother. What I was doing was bad.....but I had to do it.

Descending the stairs without making a noise, I walk to the phone to call Garrett. I know that Garrett sleep at work sometimes and that he work late and thanksfully, I remember his number. I started dialing the numbers.

_Please, Garrett ! Take the phone, be awake !_

I was thinking just of that now and just after 2 ringings, I finally heard his voice, relieving me.

 _"Garrett, to the phone"_ I heard, his voice sounding tired...very tired.

 _"It's Park !"_ I said, discretly

_"Park ? What are you doing ? It's 4 AM !"_

_"I know but you said that I needed to call in case I need you and...I'm calling because it's the case !"_

_"What...what do you need ?"_ He was trying to find his word 

_"I need you to pick me up now....I need to return to West-Berlin !"_

_"Are you kiding ? And your family ?"_

_"I know but....please, do it for me !"_ I pleaded

A silence came by for a few seconds before I heard a breath....a desesperated breath.

 _"Fine....I'm coming in approximatively 10 minutes, be ready !"_ He said before hanging up the phone

I was happy that Garrett would accept but I was feeling bad about what I was doing with my family : leaving them like that is not my type but here, it's a exception. I promised during the dinner that I will stay more time here...and now, I realized that I lied.

_I had to do it !_

Before leaving the house, I decided to not leave just without preventing my family so I searched something to write and a piece of paper. I quickly turn on a light and started to write a apology for my parents I had struggle to write this type of letter as he took me minutes to finish it. I turn off the light after I finished and now I was waiting

Finally, I heard the sound of a car stopping after 15 minutes waiting in the dark of the house. I opened the front door and closed it. I know I wasn't going back here for a long time again. 

_"Sorry !"_ I said as I closed the door

I walk until arriving to the car that stopped just on the road : it was Garrett waiting and he didn't put the car in front of my house, fearing to woke up everyone.

 _"Pfff...I know what you're doing, Park !"_ I heard Garrett said as I approached the car

_"I know !"_

_"Come on, get in quick before they wake up !"_ He ordered me with a concerned face

I complied and got inside the car just next to him, keeping my bag on me. He drove off rapidly, inside the night...back to London...back to the airport.....back to work !

\---------------------

_Dad, Mom_

_Please forgive me for what I have done !_

_I was happy to hear from Garrett that I was going to meet you again even it was for a night : seeing Edward's face make me full of joy, seeing your faces too. I had a very pleasant dinner with you and discussing about nothing & everything, just to forget the fact that I'm a MI6 Agent_

_But, I need to leave again : my work has become too much important for me to let me out of action just for a day....and I can't take vacations anymore. What I'm doing can't allow me to take vacations._

_I'm sorry to have to leave like that in the middle of the night when I promised that I will stay more here but I'm doing this for someone I loved....and that I lost ! I'm doing this because I'm loyal to the Crown...and now to the women I loved._

_I'm sorry, please forgive me !_

_Cordially, Helen_


End file.
